


Until the Pale Light of Dawning and Daylight

by fakemagpies



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, An Eventual Choose Your Own Ending (Finn/Poe or Finn/Kylo), Because Finn Is Too Lovable and I Ship Him With Everyone, Canon-Typical Violence, Finn is a Good Guy (Star Wars), First Order Finn, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Love Triangles, M/M, Poe Pines A Lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:42:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 37,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28867212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fakemagpies/pseuds/fakemagpies
Summary: This is a canon-divergent re-telling of The Force Awakens (with a smattering of elements from the other films) where Finn does not try to escape. That's because he’s casually strolling through the halls of the Finalizer when he bumps into Poe and is taken hostage. As a result, he begrudgingly helps Poe escape back to Jakku where, together, they discover the scavenger Rey and the astromech droid BB-8. There is something about Finn that doesn’t make sense to the Resistance and slowly, the pieces -- and the strings of fate -- begin to connect after the First Order destroys the Hosnian System.As events unfold, Finn is calculating and capable, if not a little morally ambiguous, but always in the name of what is right.
Relationships: Finn/Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 18
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a FinnPoe fic I had up years ago but deleted. Full disclosure: I really like the first four chapters of this fic personally (is that conceited?) and I took it down because I was just so defeated I couldn't continue. But like a phoenix rising from the ashes, I came back to it and now I have about 15 chapters of this fic written in a Google Doc that I just need to edit and post. Enjoy!

"Kriff!" 

A barrage of blaster fire shot past the makeshift hideout of crates, conveniently stacked in the hallway, followed by the march of tens of Stormtroopers towards the pilot's exact position. 

Poe Dameron has had worse days but this day was definitely working it's way into his top ten list. Alarms blaring, making his ears ring, alerting a whole ship of enemy combatants of his conspicuous presence on the ship. He's out of ammo, wounded and has no clue how to get out of this damn place. With the footsteps growing louder and louder, the pilot takes a deep breath, clutches at his blaster and makes a dash for the corner, praying to whatever deity would listen to him that there wasn't something waiting there to shoot him point blank. 

Poe made the sharp turn, eyes trained on the gang of 'trooper's readying themselves to shoot at him again. Everything seemed to go in slow motion -- Poe's realized that's how things always seemed to feel when he was in mortal danger -- only to speed up again when he violently collided with a figure that seemed to be turning the corner at the same time. The pilot cursed and pointed his blaster at the man who stumbled backwards due to Poe's refusal to fall backwards and become an open target. 

The pilot had realized long ago that people underestimate his abilities outside the cockpit but Poe always proved that he's a soldier through and through. He does a quick mental examination of the man: civilian clothing, young, and most importantly, no blaster. The dark-haired man didn't like to play dirty but he kept the blaster pointed at the man on the floor. It's not like he knew Poe was out of ammo. "Get up," he said in a hurry, hearing the approaching footsteps and figuring he has about twenty seconds until they become a hail of blaster fire. The younger man looked at the pilot with disdain, still nursing the injuries he sustained from the collision. Poe made a small noise of frustration at the non-action, glancing fervently behind him. With more urgency, the pilot raised his voice, "Now!"

Slowly, the man arose, hands lifted in the air in surrender. Poe sighed in relief. So far, so good. He wasn't sure what kind of bargaining power he could get out of this man, but if they can escape these 'troopers then his guy could potentially be his ticket off this boat. "Okay, now you are going to lead me somewhere safe, where I can hide," Precious seconds pass. The never-ending alarm reminds Poe he is in a kriffing hurry. "Now, quickly! Or else I'll shoot you dead!" The pilot hoped his face didn't betray the lack of sincerity in his threat.

The civilian bit his lip. There was a complicated mix of irritation, contempt, and skepticism in his countenance but Poe knew the exact moment the man relented. "All rig --" 

It seems the man had taken just enough time to respond -- maybe on purpose -- because the sound footsteps became louder than the siren blaring right by Poe's ear. "Freeze, prisoner!" A disembodied voice rang out loudly in the, now-familiar, muffled voice of a Stormtrooper. 

Kriff it all, Poe sighs. It's not really the last thought the pilot would like to have but it's an honest one.

At least, Poe thought it would be his final thought. It takes a whole five seconds for the pilot to notice he is not riddled with bullet holes and saying what would be totally badass last words. The Stormtrooper's were all in attack positions, fingers on the trigger, ready to shoot. But...just  _ not _ . Were they broken or something? Run out of batteries? Then, slowly but surely, Poe realizes. Realizes the only thing different about his current situation (no blaster-fire) and his situation before (lots of blaster fire) was this random guy he'd bumped into. 

The same guy Poe still has a blaster pointed at.

Oh, thank Force, someone is looking out for me. Poe smirked, mostly in relief rather than confidence, before quickly grabbing one of his prisoner's still raised arms and gently twisting it behind their back. He repositions the blaster to the young man's temple, which elicited a hiss from the newly-designated human shield. "Okay, everyone!" Poe exclaimed, his voice on the cusp of self-assurance. "One more step and he'll get it. Weapons down, now."

After a few tentative (and what the pilot knew were unsure) looks, the 'troopers obeyed the command, placing the blasters at their feet and repeating the young man's gesture of surrender. Woah. Poe cleared his throat. "Well, that's...that's good," he managed. He was far too taken aback to formulate his next move as quickly as he normally would have. He moved his head slightly so his mouth was right beside his hostage's ear. "You're going to take me to a ship hangar, okay?" he whispered, stealing glances at the white statues in front of him. "And get me on a ship."

The younger man narrowed his eyes in contemplation. He could pull some maneuver, pull Poe in the open so his comrades could turn the pilot into an obituary in tomorrow's Resistance bulletin. He dug the blaster deeper into the man's temple. "Now."

The civilian's nose bunched up in disgust. "Behind you, the way I came. End of the hall. I know the codes."

"Good," Poe nodded, face stern. He's able to think clearly now, swiftly. "But we're gonna walk backwards, nice and slowly, because your friends over there look a little too jittery for my comfort."

The younger man grunted as Poe tightened his grip, guiding his hostage back in small steps. The pilot's head almost rotated in a full circle as he checked behind him for any hazards and to ensure that the 'troopers in front of him didn't get any wise ideas about picking up their blasters. 

It was a completely surreal experience as they travelled down the corridor. Other units arrived, intercepted them in the numerous adjacent hallways to the corridor but one glance (Poe assumes -- he can't really see what they are looking at) at the civilian and they froze in place. The officers Poe encounters on his way down strangely seemed to want nothing to do with the situation -- most averted their eyes or walked back into whatever room they had just exited when the pair made their way towards them. 

Poe's left eyebrow is continuously lifted as they transverse the remaining distance. What in the world is happening right now?

They reach the room the young man indicated and he punches in a code, but not before shooting a deathly glare at the pilot. Poe wasn't sure who the kriff this guy was but clearly he was someone that no one on this ship wants to see hurt. But, in a bizarre turn of events, also a person no one seems to want anything to do with. 

The maintenance crew in the hangar, who seem to be a mix of mechanics and pilots themselves, didn't notice the pair slink in quietly even as the alarm trickled in the open door. In comparison to the hallway, the hangar seemed soundproof and the people completely disinterested in whatever is happening outside the door. Not in their job description to hunt down intruders, I guess.

In the silence, Poe instinctively put a hand on the younger man's mouth. No need for him to scream at the most critical -- and quietest -- part of his plan. He had to manage to get in a TIE fighter while keeping this bargaining chip. Because as soon as the young man manages to escape, he has Force knows how long before ten infantries -- and however many reinforcements they called in the meantime -- come storming in from just outside the hangar in a violent wave. 

"Mman uum pie mn kai mmihter?" 

Poe's head whirled to get a better look at the prisoner. The man's eyes, topped with eyebrows furrowed in a deep yet silent rage, are strained to look at Poe's face behind him. "What?" he replied in confusion before lifting part of his hand.

"I said, can you fly a TIE fighter?" The younger man hissed. 

"I can fly anything."

"Fine, then hurry and pick one so I can go," he snarled. 

"I will. Gimme a second," Poe maintained his look of seriousness and contemplation. He couldn't actually blame the man for being a bit pissed off. He was just minding his business before got tangled up in Poe's amazing escape. The pilot leads the man to an unmanned TIE tighter. They'd have ten seconds to open the hatch of the ship. That'll give their position away and cause a bit of trouble, Poe is sure of that much. 

It wasn't until they reached the ship that Poe finally spoke again. "I am sorry for having to dig the blaster into your temple. You know how it is..."

"Whether that's genuine sympathy or not..." the younger man began. The pilot expected some barb or cutting remark but the civilian sighed as if he couldn't help muster the strength to say what he was going to. "Are you going to get in or not? Surely, the men outside the door are formulating a new plan of attack."

The pilot observed the man for a second. The way he bit his lip, the look of superiority and absolute confidence that he'll be just fine regardless of what happens. What was this guy?

"The code for the outer hangar door is inputted on the top left near the exhaust, 362187. It will open both the door to the launch area and to this area for exactly 20 seconds each in order, one by one," he continued in the silence that Poe's lack of response left. 

"Isn't this treason?" Poe questioned. "You can come with me, you know. If they're going to hurt you here for what you're do --"

"May I remind you that I am a hostage?" the man interrupted calmly. "It's not like I am doing this by my own volition. Save your ridiculous Resistance propaganda for when you don't have a blaster to my head."

"Right..." Poe frowned, rolling his eyes before glancing at the TIE fighter. Well, here goes nothing. 

If Poe Dameron were re-telling the story, he wouldn't use that phrase exactly because once he releases his hostage to climb into the ship, all hell breaks loose in the hangar. For one thing, the man kriffing screams the word 'intruder' just before Poe can grab the man again. Second, the younger man was right: there were hundreds of 'troopers waiting to rush in and they did, shooting recklessly under the assumption that their golden boy was safe. Last of all -- and, by now, Poe had nearly forgotten that he was dragging a kicking and screaming humanoid adult male into the TIE fighter so people would stop shooting at him for one kriffing moment -- the pilot sees something distinct in the storm of white suits. A menacing dark figure, stark and towering. The same figure that had less than an hour ago violently invaded his thoughts and left him for dead. 

Kylo kriffing Ren. But why? If Poe was a cockier man, he would have assumed that the Master of the Knights of Ren had made this special little trip just for him. But as the hatch of the TIE fighter closed, engines roaring loudly amongst the chaos, Poe's eyes focused less on the quickly closing gates in front of them and more on Kylo Ren's furiously outstretched arm behind them in the small outer mirror. There were small tugs pulling the ship back but Poe kicked the ship into overdrive, just barely making it through the hangar door and out the launch pad door before it clamped down on itself.

For the first time in what felt like forever, there was silence. Absolute, no alarms, silence.

As calm, glittering darkness engulfed the ship, the pilot couldn't shake the feeling he felt gazing into the knight's blank mask. The feeling that Kylo Ren might have made that journey for the pilot's new yet almost-forgotten, unconscious, bullet-proof cargo.


	2. Chapter 2

It was smooth sailing for all of five minutes until Poe's cargo regained consciousness and began thrashing.

"Where am I?" the man breathed out in horror, looking around his portion of the TIE fighter. Once realization settled in, the man twisted in the seat Poe had (with great trouble) buckled him into and confirmed his growing suspicions. "You."

"Hey, buddy," Poe responded, sheepishly. This was a blessing and a curse, he figures: the TIE fighters they sent seem to be content in following peacefully. "Look, no one is shooting at us." 

"You..." The man repeated, unbuckling his harness. He reaches over to Poe's neck, grabbing it firmly and shaking. "What is the meaning of this? You promised to let me go once you were in the TIE fighter!"

Poe gargled violently and moved the ship hard to the left to shake the still-woozy younger man off. "Okay! Let's clarify that I never promised anything!" The pilot said over his shoulder, making another sharp movement upward when he noticed his assailant had regained his footing. "And two, you wouldn't be here if you hadn't shouted at the top of your lungs and alerted everyone to where I was!"

"Did you think I was just going to let you escape?" the younger man growled, wise enough not to make another sudden movement lest the pilot jerk the ship again.

"Yes!" Poe exclaimed in exasperation. He looked back to find the man breathing heavily in exhaustion, bleeding from a fresh yet small cut on his forehead. The pilot looked toward the TIE fighters following him. "Anyways, it's not like I can just go back and say 'hey, I think I accidentally took something of yours'."

"When you land, the fleet of ships following you will still be there," the younger man settled back in his seat, arms crossed in an amusing mix of defiance and defeat. "How do you expect to escape them when you decide to land?"

"Still working on that, buddy. This plan is very organic in concept,"

"You have no idea what you're doing," the man deduced with a scoff. "And stop calling me 'buddy'. We're not friends."

Poe rolled his eyes and sighed loudly. "Fine, you have a name?"

"Of course I do," the man snapped as he moved his entire body to look at Poe. The pilot noted from the corner of his eye the look of absolute offense on the man's face at the suggestion that he wouldn't have a name. He moved back to sit in his seat with a slight pout. "It's Finn,"

"All right. Finn," Poe nodded in acknowledgement, testing the name against his tongue. "I'm Dameron. Poe Dameron. Please to meet you, Finn."

"I wish I could say the same," Finn grumbled. 

Then there was pure silence. A suspicious amount of quietness that Poe would have noticed if he were not thinking of the next portion of his escape plan. The only sounds Poe could hear over his rapid thoughts were small shuffling noises from the seat behind him. He assumed Finn was restless -- few people ride in cramped ships like X-Wings and TIE fighters unless they were pilots. Poe could see how a civilian could be a little claustrophobic. But oh how wrong Poe was. Not wholly wrong because Finn was restless except he was doing a little more than fidgeting in his seat. The internal alert of the TIE fighter went off -- loud with a rainbow of buttons flashing for attention. Poe cursed under his breath, looking around his side of the ship before turning to notice that Finn had managed to pull out three sections of wiring.

"What in the kriffing universe are you doing?" Poe shouted, desperately trying to control the now-renegade ship. Finn had managed to sever any semblance of manual control and now the ship's override is trying to head back to Finalizer. Or rather it should be heading back to the Finalizer except that the autopilot function was completely damaged by Finn's handywork. 

In the veritable free fall towards the desert planet of Jakku, Poe perhaps thought his prisoner would be cooperative. Poe was wrong. Finn continued to pull out wiring, a look of mad determination on his face. "Kriff, Finn! Stop! Do you have a death wish?" the pilot grunted, beads of sweat rolling down his face as he managed to safely break atmosphere with the little control he still has over the ship.

Finn didn't answer the pilot, instead bracing himself for their landing. The TIE fighter skirted just over the planet surface for some distance, hitting the surface like a rock skipping over water as Poe struggled to take the controls up. The control panel burst in flames, eliciting another harsh curse from the pilot. The other man was shouting something but the ringing in Poe's ear deafened any noise around him. Finn made an annoyed expression, grabbing and pulling Poe to his side of the ship before ejecting himself, tightly clinging to the pilot as the painful rays of sun hit their eyes. 

The TIE fighter fluttered and crashed moments later, perfectly visible as they floated gently to the surface via their life chute. The younger man is breathing heavily, his face stained with sweat and the dark oil that soaked the wires. Sprawled precariously across his lap, Poe focused in horror on the crash site. He was planning to off-load the TIE fighter for a less conspicuous ship once he found a way to land safely. It's probably okay, Poe reassured himself, I can still sell the good parts. The converter is probably fine. Engine is shot but the parts will do. The metal on the harnesses could even sell for -- oh, kriff!. Poe's mouth opened slightly in shock as the ship was rapidly engulfed by the sandy earth beneath it. 

The two land hard against the ground with nothing to cushion their fall except sharp grains of sand. Still strapped into his seat, Finn tips over as Poe rolls off his lap. The pilot drags himself to his feet, hidden exhaustion and new adrenaline fighting for dominance as he regains his balance. He shielded his eyes as he surveyed the surroundings. Just nondescript desert in every direction. Great. Just kriffing great. 

"You're welcome," a voice comes from behind him. Poe whirled to find Finn on his feet, simultaneously patting down his clothes and the sand still plastered to his face in large, imprecise movements. 

Poe, normally level-headed and easy-going, was beginning to lose his cool. "You're welcome for what? Almost killing us both?" he questioned with an edge.

"No," Finn spits out the granules of sand that had gotten into his mouth. His eyebrows knit tightly. "For getting you away from that fleet of TIE fighters."

"What?" Poe replied, taken aback slightly.

The corner of Finn's mouth slacked in irritation. "I ripped out the wiring on the tracker for the TIE fighter. Then the autopilot because once the tracker went offline, they'd tap into that system to follow the ship. The automation system is constantly detecting the location of the flagship in the event it's activated. It's a safety measure since the tracker is practically common knowledge and common sense by now. That left the actual ships following you so I ripped out some more wiring to overload the system and initiate a crash landing. Any other type of landing and they would have been able to track and follow us easily." He chuckled to himself as he continued to dust the remaining portion of his clothes off, "If you think you're good, then you haven't seen a First Order fighter pilot in action."

Poe's face relaxed in surprise. "So you had a plan to save us."

"No, I had no clue whether or not you'd survive the crash," Finn shrugged nonchalantly. He grabbed a loose white cloth from his pocket and wiped off the sweat-oil mix on his cheek. "The control wiring I ripped out effected your seat's ability to eject. Most likely disabled it, if I am being honest."

"I appreciate the honesty," Poe frowned. He blinked a few times in a moment of realization, his face lighting up almost immediately. "You pulled me into your seat. You saved my life."

"I didn't," Finn said through lips pursed in embarrassment, his gaze focused just under Poe's eyes rather than on them. "You crawled into my lap just as I ejected. You could have killed us both."

Poe's staring right into Finn's eyes with a dumb smile plastered across his face. "You saved my life," He moved forward to embrace the younger man tightly, holding on as the recipient squirmed to get away. "You're a good man, Finn."

"I did not and will you let go?" Finn struggled against the hug. "But I did get the ship off their radar -- so I could get away, I might add -- so the least you could do is tell me where the next town is so I can contact the First Order."

"I would, buddy," The pilot grinned as he spoke. "But I have no clue where we are."

"What?" The response was choked. "Weren't you captured here? You are the prisoner who knew about the droid on Jak --"

The younger man stopped himself, brown pupils wide in recognition that he's said too much. Poe's eyes narrowed, observing the young face. That's right. In light of the recent events, Poe had nearly forgotten that Finn was apparently First Order royalty. 

"Yeah, that's me," Poe replied after a beat. "But it was night and the village was..."

"I know," Finn replied almost instantly after Poe had trailed off. The answer was solemn, full of a vaguely distant pain Poe doesn't fathom. The younger man's whole countenance shifted to irritation when he noticed Poe's appraisal of his features. "We might as well stick together until we find a town.

"You'd have little old me as a travel companion?" Poe smirked. "And what if I don't want to travel around with you, Mr. Save Myself Only?"

Finn frowned at the older man's cheekiness. "It goes well below freezing in the deserts and Jakku isn't exactly known for its friendly residents. Two heads would be better than one around here, even if the other one is yours. You're Resistance, Dameron, but not idiotic."

"You might be wrong about that," the pilot grinned. The younger man crossed his arms in annoyance, the question of 'yes or no?' hanging in the air. Poe sighed. Clearly, the younger man was determined to not make the best out of the situation. "I was looking around when we were in the air, I saw some buildings. An outpost maybe, some distance due south. We can make it quickly."

"It'll have to do," Finn nodded before turning to walk in the direction Poe had indicated. 

The older man jogged to catch up to the surprisingly fast man. The desert wind seemed to blow sand granules exclusively in Finn's face, causing the silent trip to be peppered with the man's harsh grumblings. "Here," Poe said finally. He took off his jacket and draped it across the younger man's head. "Use it to keep the sand out of your face. It's too hot for me to be wearing it anyways,"

"I don't need your pity," 

Poe chuckled. "Trust me, it's not pity. I am just sick and tired of being practically on fire, hungry, hurt and having to listen to you complain about the sand every ten seconds. I can only fix one of those problems."

It must be a mirage because the pilot would have sworn he saw the corners of Finn's mouth curve upward at the comment. "Are you saying I'm a problem, Dameron?"

"Yes, if I am being quite honest," the pilot smirked again. Finn falls silent afterward, tugging the jacket over his head to obscure his profile. This gave Poe the opportunity to openly scrutinize the younger man without his contempt. His stance is militaristic with a smooth, straight gait. The fingers clutching at the ends of the jacket look soft underneath the sheen of sweaty oil. Now that Poe is really thinking about it clearly, Finn's entire being was a paradoxical mix of tactical brilliance and a faint delicacy. "Finn?"

"What?" was the annoyed response.

"On the Finalizer, the alarms were blaring but you were walking as if it were nothing. Why weren't you running?"

"Why should I have? The ship is full of highly-trained Stormtroopers," Finn glanced quickly over at Poe then back in front of him. "No one assumed you'd get far from the interrogation room."

Poe shrugged. While Finn was in a talkative mood, he might as well test his luck. "You're a civilian? An engineer? You knew a lot about that TIE fighter."

He could hear the scowl on Finn's face forming. "Neither. I just happen to have the time and interest to read a thing or two about ships."

Poe had ruled the possibility out a while ago but it was worth the check. The clothes would indicate he's not a military officer despite his stance and blatant sense of superiority. Not a conquered royal abroad for a ride along. But still someone -- Poe is convinced -- important enough for Kylo Ren to make an appearance. Poe shook his head, his face twisted in deep thought. For everything Poe knew, Finn made absolutely no sense. 

"Are you some type of officer in the First Order?" Poe guessed.

Finn huffed in annoyance. "Listen, Dameron. I am not asking you a barrage of questions, am I?"

"Right, sorry, buddy," Poe replied, backing off a little. "Just thought I would get to know you better since we're stuck together."

"Hopefully not for long," the other man sighed as he began walking again. After twenty steps, Finn spoke again. "I am not affiliated directly with the First Order, if you must know," It was reserved, quieter than anything Finn had ever said. He continued with a faint longing tinting his words, "I was, a long time ago, but I have my own loyalties now."

Poe listened carefully, trying to parse the words for a hidden meaning. It doesn't explain anything about Kylo Ren's interest in their escape, his blaster-proof status on the ship, his intimate knowledge of what Poe assumed to be classified and privileged information. It only makes the younger man more enigmatic to the pilot.

"And you?" Finn's voice interjected his thoughts. "You've asked me a lot of questions about myself and you haven't said a thing. Maybe I'm curious, too. Since we're going to be stuck together for a bit, you know."

The pilot grinned and stretched with his shoulders. "Well, if you want it from the beginning, I was born on Yavin 4..." 

With just those words, the road to the Jakku Outpost somehow seemed longer than ever before to the young man.


	3. Chapter 3

The Jakku Outpost is a dump. Quite literally a dump, Finn noted quickly. Old, battered ships littered the outskirts and served as the only distinguishable landmarks in the area. The young man's nose bunched in disgust as a foul smell fought for entry into his nostrils: the place is filthy, the musky, dry air amplifying the smell. The locals are no better, too. They're staring at the pilot and him as if they were reasoning out how much they were worth if they could manage to capture and sell them. 

"Well, Dameron," Finn sighed, peeling his eyes away from some creature who had been staring at him a little too long. "Here is where we part. I can manage from here."

A skeptical look on Poe's part preceded the burst of laughter. "Finn, whatever it is that protected you on the Finalizer is definitely not here. These people'll shoot you without a second thought if you even look at them funny."

Finn looked around to see an assortment of eyes staring at the inconspicuously human pair. Poe was right...he wasn't here. "Well, you do have a responsibility for getting me back home. What do you suggest?"

"If I can get us a ship, then I can take you to a neutral planet -- a better one than this -- and you can contact whoever it is you need to contact," Poe thought for a moment. "Or you could go somewhere else. The First Order must think you're dead because of the crash. You don't need --" Poe stopped as he noticed the color drain from his companion's face. Finn was trembling as if he were cold. It's well over comfortably hot even in the shade and, beyond the vague panic in the younger man's eyes, that was enough to make Poe worry. "Finn? What's wrong?"

"Dead?" he quivered, looking up fully at Poe. 

"Yeah, well, uh," Poe bit nervously at his inner lip. Poe definitely liked the Finn that was lively and hated him more than the Finn that is looking at him like he'd punched him in the gut. "Surviving the crash would have been a miracle from their point of view. Even if they searched the site, the ship was taken in by a sand pit. Anyone would have thought we died on impact or unconscious in the sand pits. I thought you, well, maybe had planned it that way."

Finn shook his head slowly. The wild look in his eyes honed in on Poe as he grabbed the older man's arms tightly on either side. "You have to get me back! Now, Dameron!"

"Woah, Finn!" Poe exclaimed, startled. In the most calming tone he could muster, "I'll get you there, don't worry."

"I mean immediately! I have to get back to him ---" 

Out of nowhere, Finn shouted out in pain. Loudly. His whole body was shaking before he hit the ground and a young flash of flesh jumped onto Finn's limp body as soon as it hit the ground. The flash -- a young woman -- deftly pressed a bo-staff to the younger man's neck, eliciting a gargled noise from Finn as he flailed beneath her. Poe reached for his blaster before realizing that -- kriff! He'd need to pull her off. She looked strong -- stronger than her petite form would let on -- but Poe figured that the adrenaline pulsing through his body would give him enough strength to pull her off Finn, despite the ache throughout his body. The older man was ready to leapt at her until tiny, excited chirps began to break through the musk of urgency that clouded all of Poe's senses.

A smile broke out on his face as he leaned down to receive the small ball rolling eagerly toward him. "BB-8! Buddy!"

BB-8 chirped at the woman happily,  _ This is my Poe!  _ The droid's head spun quickly back to Poe.  _ Was this man attacking you, Poe!? _

"No, no!" Poe snapped back to the situation at hand. He turned to the young woman, "Please, let him go!"

The woman hesitated until BB-8 made an ashamed and defeated noise, realizing it’s mistake. "All right," she said slowly, climbing off Finn in the process. "BB-8 saw him with your jacket and his arms on you. We thought he was attacking you."

"I wasn't," Finn snarled, rubbing his neck. Poe noticed there were small imprints from the staff in his throat. "Do you normally go around attacking random..." Finn trailed off when he looked the woman fully in the face. His features softened significantly in surprise as he took a step closer to her (a step she returned in the opposite direction). When he finally finished his question, it had lost all meaning. The edge in his voice had completely disappeared. "Random people?"

The pilot looked between the two of them. Under Finn's intense gaze, the woman shrunk into herself. She touched her face in a moment of embarrassment. After a beat later, however, the woman regained her composure. "What are you staring at?" 

"What's your name?" Finn asked (in what Poe could swear was awe) instead of answering. 

The girl looked at Poe in confusion then back at Finn. "Rey," she responded cautiously. 

"Rey," Finn repeated the name with a faint smile. "Pleased to meet you, Rey. I'm Finn."

Rey shrugged, lowering her staff from it's defensive position in the process. "You, too, Finn. And I'm sorry for the attack."

"Don't be," There was a tenderness to his voice and in the new smile on his face. "You were acting on what you thought was right. I can't fault you for that..."

Finn's words faded into the background as Poe's eyes finally stopped darting between the two people. Oh...oh, stars. Poe  _ gets _ it. It's not like Finn hides it very well: he's clearly enamored. Love at first sight, head over heels, swept off his feet. It all adds up that way at least. For one, he's never been this nice to Poe (even though he and Poe have had some wonderfully memorable bonding experiences in their short time together). Two, she attacked him and yet he's  _ pleased _ to meet her. Even making explanations on why it was  _ perfectly fine, Rey, I'm not injured really _ . Three, and most importantly, he's staring at her like she's an oasis, sun on a cloudy day, rain after a drought. Poe's never been good at math but he knows that soft gaze when he sees it.

But wait a second. What had Finn been saying before this all started? It was something that Poe latched onto, his mind already trained to memorize every bit of information that passed through the younger man's lips.  _ I have to get back to him...  _ That's definitely what he had said.  _ Him _ . Someone who would care about Finn being dead. Someone who Finn doesn't want to think he's dead. Someone he wants to get back to -- reassure --immediately. There's only a few types of people Poe could imagine that would make a person act like their world was crumbling. A parent. No, it couldn't be. A close friend, maybe? Possibly. But there was such an intimacy to Finn's panic, the kind usually reserved for... _ a lover _ . 

Poe's gasp was louder than he thought as both people and the droid turned their attention to him. Finn's eyebrow rose, clearly upset that Poe had ruined his conversation with Rey. And kriff, they're actually waiting for him to speak. 

The pilot flashes a smile, more nervously than he expected. "Uh, Rey, thank you for taking care of BB-8. He'd be scrap metal by now if it wasn't for you," BB-8 chirped angrily at the assumption as Poe laughed at his small friend's reaction. "Finn and I are in a hurry to get off this planet. I have an important mission and Finn needs to get back home. Do you know where we can get a ship?"

"Mission?" She sounded excited. The volume of her voice went down to a hush quickly as she leaned in towards the pair. "Are you with the Resistance then? BB-8 said it was all top-secret."

Poe stared hard at her. He could trust her -- his gut, never wrong, told him he could -- but he wasn't exactly supposed to go around announcing things like that. You never know who is listening and Jakku was filled with people who would sell you out to the highest bidder. However, before the older man could even decide what answer to give, Finn stepped forward. "Yes, we are."

"We?" Poe wasn't angry. Rather, he had whispered in amusement, close enough to Finn's ear that the younger woman couldn't hear. Finn shot him a quick and dirty look.

Rey's smiling now and Poe couldn't help but return it. Whether or not Finn liked her more than he did his mystery lover on the  _ Finalizer _ , Poe could see the appeal of the young woman. She exuded a wholly magnetic charm that Poe might have fallen for himself if he were interested in women. 

"There's a junkyard nearby. Lots of ships, they don't all work but I can fix them up as best as I can. It'll get you off-world, probably a planet or two away to somewhere you could contact the Resistance. Would that help?" 

"That would be perfect," Poe breathed out, looking at Finn in relief. Then he smirked playfully at the younger man, "We're going back to the base, Finn. Did you hear that?"

"Come with us, Rey," Finn said to his new friend rather than responding to Poe. "Whoever abandoned you here,"  _ Abandoned?  _ Maybe Poe had missed something when he ignored their conversation before. "They'll have to come search for you now. This place isn't where you should be."

She shook her head, a seriousness to her features beyond her age. "I have to wait, Finn. They'll be back and I have to be here."

"I understand but I hope you will reconsider, Rey. There are other worlds out there, better than this," Finn's face twisted in concern. Poe almost made a noise at the sight of the expression: it's like Finn was a completely different person. "Where is the junkyard?"

Rey nodded. "This way --"

An explosion and the sound of cries caught her attention as she trailed off. Looming overhead were a dozen TIE fighters, approaching quickly. Poe cursed. Kriff, not again! Finn looked at him urgently. "Why are they here? You were right, they would have definitely assumed that we died in the crash. Hux wouldn't bother if he thought we --"

Another explosion cut him off. Hux. Poe shook his head and the thought from his head. Now is not the time. "They must not be here for us."

Rey grabbed Finn's hand and yelled at Poe to follow. They ran quickly, dodging the debris and pedestrians in their way. BB-8 rolled beside Poe, zig-zagging to avoid all the hazards it couldn't jump over like it's human friends could. The older man's head almost snapped as he turned to Finn as the answer came to him. "BB-8! They must have tracked him down!"

"The dealer!" Rey shouted, "He was willing to pay a week's worth of finds just for the droid. He must have called the First Order if he knew they were searching for BB-8!" They ran, explosions and screams peppering the distance. Rey pointed to a wide empty space with several large masses and a variety of metallic objects. "There!"

"We don't have any time to pick the newest," Poe said, catching his breath as they enter the heart of the junkyard. "Rey, do you know which of these work?"

She shook her head. "Not exactly. I can tell you which ones are really junk though."

"This one." 

Finn's voice seemed to creep above the noise around them even as he spoke in a whisper. He's standing in front of an white, derelict ship. 

"That one is junk, Finn," Rey replied urgently as she stared at the approaching violence. 

Poe's eyes fixed themselves on the ship and a wide grin formed on his face. He whistled loudly, an almost crippling joy bubbling in him. No way, it can't be...but it is and he and Finn say it nearly at the same time: "The Millennium Falcon."

Rey's eyes darted between them and she bit her lip nervously. She finally relented. "All right, it will have to do. Let's get in quickly!"

Poe jumped in excitement and rubbed his hands together. "You don't have to tell me twice!"

The three of them manage to get abroad the ship with relative ease. Poe took a moment to appreciate the control panel of the legendary ship. The Millennium kriffing Falcon. His joy at being in the pilot's seat overshadowed every other emotion and sense. Finn had a good eye -- all that reading on ships did him well. Anyone who knew anything about starships would know that the Millennium Falcon was one of the best in the galaxy. And it proved that as they weaved through the Jakku landscape, avoiding TIE fighter blasts at every turn. Finn had gone to man the ship's blaster and Poe was blown away -- and not by a TIE fighter because the younger man is precise and deadly manning the machine. Rey and Poe angle the ship in ways it hasn't been angled in years and Finn would shoot, always on the mark. Poe hollered as the last enemy ship went down and he could hear Rey's silent cheer. They made a good team -- the three of them. 

A happy sigh escaped the head pilot as they exited the atmosphere and entered again into the calm space, this time at warp speed. There were no TIE fighters following them, no trackers and no alarms. He knows he shouldn't but he sets a course for the Resistance base -- he has to, he rationalizes, he can't afford anything else happening to BB-8. 

Poe feels guilty as he looks over at Rey, who was breathing heavily to settle herself down from the previous rush of energy. She would want him to turn back and return her to Jakku after a while. This wasn't so bad: he could get her back to Jakku eventually, maybe after he dropped BB-8 off and completed his mission. His guilt is mostly for Finn, who was walking through the doors of the cockpit, grinning for the first time since they met. 

Finn wouldn't be going back home. It would be too compromising: Finn couldn't go back to the First Order once Poe brought him to D'Qar.


	4. Chapter 4

Now that Poe finally has time to think, he thinks about Finn.

The same Finn who has a lover aboard the _Finalizer_ . A high ranking protector that guaranteed no one would dare harm him even with an alarm blaring. _I am not directly affiliated with the First Order, if you must know._ Well, that explained it. Finn is only aboard the flagship to keep the guy company. And this mystery man is what Finn meant when he said he had his own loyalties.

Poe pursed his lips. He'd said Hux, too. The pilot is not in Intelligence. His job is to get in his ship and find what he's told to seek. But even he knew who the young General was, knew he commanded the Finalizer. Poe's kinda impressed. He figures you can't get anymore of a higher rank than general. Also, for the sake of his line of thought, there wasn't any other rank in the First Order that could pull off getting a whole ship to stop it's mission for one man.

The pilot ran a hand through his hair and exhaled sharply. Then Hux had pulled the big guns and called Kylo Ren to stop the TIE fighter. But why didn't Hux come to the hangar himself? If Poe were in his shoes then he'd rush to his lover regardless of what he could physically do. He couldn't just sit around and wait for things to be resolved.

The pilot shook his head as if to reset his thoughts. He put his elbows to his knees, massaging the back of his neck with both hands with another sigh. As if these First Order relationships are normal. Did Finn even have a choice? He does seem pretty adamant -- eager, even -- on getting back to the ship. Poe shut his eyes tightly. Okay, so maybe it's slightly consensual. But he could have -- oh, what's that thing call? Dr. Kalonia mentioned it once after they managed to free some slaves during a mission deeper in the Outer Rim. Ah, it was Twi'lek Slave Girl Syndrome. Capture-bonding. Some of the girls were absolutely adamant about staying with the people who treated them terribly. Some even tried to escape the safe house to return to them. The Doc had explained it as being a by-product of a traumatic experience, mistaking a lack of abuse as kindness, as a genuine relationship.

_I was with the First Order, a long time ago_... Hux has an age advantage on Finn -- the man couldn't be older than twenty-five compared to Hux's thirty-plus. Then Hux must have scouted him out when he was young, took him under his wing. Finn has probably been with him for almost a decade.

Poe is going to be sick. He sat upright, his previous position a little too accommodating if the pilot really does decide to lay whatever is left of his stomach's contents on the floor. He's going a little overboard with his assumptions. For all Poe knows, it's a happy, healthy relationship. But how do those love-eyes Finn made at Rey fit into any of this?

"Kriff!" Poe exclaimed in exasperation. He's never been good at logic puzzles. He'd work on them for hours as a child -- figured out one half only to realize it doesn't make any sense when he tried to work on the other. He'd have to just ask Finn. But he's not sure if the younger man staring at him in confusion is going to be in a talkative mood when he figured out they were less than a quarter of a standard hour from a Resistance base.

"Poe? What's wrong?" Rey said, tearing herself from her game with BB-8.

"Nothing!" he replied quickly. He began the descent to the planetary surface. "We're landing here, guys."

Finn loomed behind Poe, staring down at him suspiciously. "We passed a lot of planets on the way here because they were, in your own words, 'too dangerous'. They at least had signs of life. This one is remote in comparison, Dameron. Is this even inhabited?"

"It is," Poe replied with a quiet certainty. His eyes never left the transparisteel screen in front of him.

Finn didn't realize until he saw the first X-Wing in the window and to Poe's surprise -- maybe for Rey's benefit -- he didn't strangle Poe on sight. The ship bounced lightly as it hit the surface and both of their eyes stayed staring straight ahead into the thick forests beyond the base. BB-8 rolled out first in excitement at being back home. It's insistence to show Rey around the base got her off the ship first. It was eerily silent despite people outside crowding around the ship. Poe didn't want to leave the pilot's seat until he was sure Finn was off the ship. The younger man had already left a while ago but Poe couldn't say how long. In his line of work though, nothing was a sure thing and it stood to reason that Finn was waiting -- honest to stars, waiting -- in the tiny area outside the cockpit for Poe to get out.

"Finn, I --" Poe started and then just as soon stopped. Somewhere deep inside him, he thought maybe Finn would cut him off in anger. He didn't. "I had to."

"Take me back now," Finn stated calmly.

"I can't, Finn. You've seen --"

"Take me back," he repeated. He took a step towards Poe and in the new light, the pilot could see the tension in the younger man's face. A mix of restrained tears and fury. His voice trembled slightly. "You promised, Dameron. Take me back."

"I can't, Finn," Poe said again, even softer. "If you got back to the First Order, you would tell him where the base is. We can't afford that."

"We? Since when was it 'we'? You were the one that promised, you!" The younger man approached Poe with heavy steps and an accusatory finger. Another emotion stirred on his face. It's dark and scornful and Poe didn't think it suited the young man at all. "You were never planning to return me anyways, were you?"

"Kriff, Finn, I was going to!" Poe exclaimed. He found his voice increasing in volume with each passing sentence. "But after that attack on Jakku, I realized I needed to complete my mission. You think were Resistance scum, fine! But we're trying to do what's right," The older man took one step towards an unflinching Finn. There is a pleading overture to his voice now, gentle as if he was trying to coax a small animal. "I know you're a good man, Finn. You keep trying to hide it and deny it but you are. And I know you know that we're trying to help. Help people your lover has hurt, protect the people he might hurt and will hurt!"

That did it. The dark expression cleared from Finn's face but underneath there was only a look of deep pain -- the same one from before that looked as if Poe had punched him in the gut. But it was worse this time. This time it was amplified, as if Poe had kicked him when he was down and out. A best later, there was a burning in Finn's eyes and Poe suddenly felt a sharp sensation across his face. Bleary eyed, the pilot laid on the floor trying to process what had occurred. "You don't know anything about him," Finn spat down at Poe, ready to hit him again if the pilot was stupid enough to stand. "He's in pain, too, but you wouldn't ever think about that. It's black and white to you who he is and what he stands for. You don't understand..."

"He hurts innocent people!" Poe shouted, roughly. He rubbed his sore cheek and stood slowly. "That's all I need to know. We all are in pain, Finn, so stop making excuses for him."

Finn whispered something softly under his breath (Poe thinks he hears something: _He's a good man_ ) as the external door to the Falcon opened behind the younger man. "Will you look at her, Chewie! Hasn't aged a day!" A voice came from the sudden burst of light. "Now let's just see who was cocky enough to sit in my seat."

A wail -- a response -- followed. Finn turned around slowly, his eyes doing their best not to leave Poe in the process. It was an older man, a silver mop of hair on his head and a pilot's jacket like Poe's. He was followed by a large, well-armed Wookie. The new pair stared at the scene in front of them then at each other.

He addressed Finn, looking him up and down. Too soft. "You're not Leia's golden boy, are you?" He looked towards Poe and nodded at finding his true target. "You. What makes you think you're worthy of the Falco -- ooon! Woah!"

It happened too suddenly for both Poe and the Wookie to react immediately. A look of malice overcame Finn's features before he lunged with dexterity at the older pilot, his hands tightly flexed around the older man's neck. The situation deescalated quickly once their companions dragged the two away from each other. "What in the world, Finn?" the younger pilot shouted, struggling to restain the flailing man from springing back at his target.

The older pilot wheezed once his freedom from Finn's soft yet violent hands was secured. "Kriff, kid, how did I rip you off?"

"You're Han Solo!" Finn bellowed from his restrained position.

"Finn, cool it!" Poe whispered harshly in the younger man's ear.

"It's fine, kid. I've been attacked for less," the older man said, massaging his neck. He's looking at Finn, who is slowly calming down to a manageable anger. "But it'd be nice if when your friend lets you go, that you don't pull another stunt like that. I have a blaster, you know."

"You say the Resistance helps, that it doesn't hurt," Finn growled as he finally freed himself from Poe's grip. His head is low as he faces Poe, breathing heavy. The stare he gave the younger pilot was dark again. "Then why do you have people like him, a common criminal, roaming freely on your base?"

Poe opened his mouth but it seemed like Finn wasn't expecting any response. He walked past the older pilot and the Wookie, who parted for him to pass, and climbed down the still-open door onto the chilly surface of the Resistance base on D'Qar. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My theme for Finn this whole series is Junko Ohashi's "Telephone Number" - just extremely smooth, warm, melancholic yet hopeful city pop/jazzy vibes.

“You don’t have to do this, Finn.”

Finn didn’t move his position on the cot. He faced the wall as he did all the other times Poe had tried to talk some sense into him. Over the pilot’s protests, Finn had insisted he was a prisoner of war and should be treated as such. General Organa had shrugged: _Well,_ _throw him in a holding cell if that’s what he wants._

“Unless you’re here to tell me my execution date, I am not interested in anything you have to say, Dameron.”

“We’re -- we’re not going to _execute_ you,” Poe managed to get out. If he didn’t know better, he'd think Finn was saying this to deliberately get a rise out of him. “If anything, we want to commend you for saving me and helping me off Jakku.”

Finn whirled around on the cot and his eyes narrowed in genuine hate now that he faced the pilot. “I told you, I did that to save myself. Don’t twist this into one of your Resistance lies.”

Poe let out an exhausted sigh before opening the unlocked cell door. They never locked it but even then, it’s not like Finn ever made any real attempt to run. “Well, let’s make our usual round then.”

The only time Finn ever seemed to cooperate with Poe was during their daily jaunts around the base. That first day, the younger man had absolutely refused to speak to him until Poe casually mentioned that Rey was wondering where he was. Of course, Finn was then more than obliging to show his face here and there with here or there always being where Rey was. _Of course_ , the pilot thought with a frown. It’s not like he’s jealous or anything (too old and too smooth to be jealous) but this whole situation wasn’t very flattering. After all, he was pretty handy with an X-Wing, pretty darn lovable _and_ on top of all that, he has nice teeth. They’d survived multiple harrowing experiences together. What more could Finn want? 

(Well, there were a few things that Rey has that Poe doesn’t). (He can see that). (But Hux doesn’t either and Finn still seemed to want him for some reason). (Maybe Hux). (Poe’s still not sure). (He figures Hux could be handsome in that evil, sadistic cult leader way). (Which isn’t that handsome to begin with). (So, back to square one because Poe thinks he’s not _that_ bad to look at either).

“Finn,” Poe said after they had returned. The cell door is shut again for show. “This is just ridiculous and you know it.”

“I know this is a bare-bones operation,” As he spoke, he spread his arms vaguely in reference to his cell. If the condescension and derision in his voice were anything to go by, at least Finn was feeling like his usual self. It was a slight step up from being morose and Poe thinks (just maybe) he’s growing on the younger man. “So I’ll help you all out just this once. One, you’re not supposed to leave cell doors unlocked. Two, you definitely shouldn’t offer aid and comfort to the enemy.”

“Ah, see, that is where you’re wrong, Mr. Big Deal,” Poe gripped the bars and leaned in to point an playful and accusatory finger at the younger man. “You saved my life. What kind of enemy saves their enemy’s life?”

Finn rolled his head as he leaned against the cell wall and crossed his arms. “How many times do I have to tell you that you crawled pathetically in my lap at the last moment? I didn’t save your life and under any other circumstance, I would have shot you the moment I saw you.”

“Then they don’t you walk out of this cell and steal all of our secrets?” he retorted. “I’ll even let you take a shot at me.”

“Because unlike you, Dameron, I am not stupid enough to walk around an enemy base unarmed.”

Poe retreated a bit as he thought about the circumstances. “Okay, you got a point there, buddy.”

“Will you quit calling me ‘buddy’? I have no intention of being your friend.”

“You’re still wearing my jacket though,” he grinned in response. “I get it though. I’m still sentimental about Jakku, too.”

At the mention of the outerwear, the younger man began to take the jacket off, disgusted, as if he’d just realized he was covered in banthashit. “It’s not intentional,” he snapped.

“Wait, no!” the pilot stepped back from the bars as if to surrender. “Keep it.”

Finn paused suddenly and glowered at the pilot. “Why?”

“It suits you,” Poe bit his lip involuntarily as he took in the site of the young man in his jacket. It really did, he couldn't help but think. “Plus it gets cold around here and I got a million just like that one anyways,” he added nonchalantly as Finn’s expression seemed to pick up on his scrutiny.

The younger man rolled the jacket back onto his shoulders. He muttered an excuse: “Fine...it sells the image of Resistance better anyways.”

“To Rey, right?” the pilot prodded. The younger man predictably didn’t answer. “So you, uh, like Rey, huh?”

“Is this an official interrogation?” he replied sharply. “Don’t they have someone more competent to do this?”  
  
“Buddy,” Poe started and Finn shot him a dirty look, ready to reprimand him again for the designation. “Finn,” he corrected. “She’s going to find out some day.”

“One day,” the other man repeated. “But not today. Not now.”

“She doesn’t ever have to know,” Poe’s voice was encouraging and maybe, just maybe, Finn’s features lightened as the pilot became more amenable to his wishes. “You didn’t have to be lying on Jakku when you said you were Resistance. Leia’s not sold on it until she’s had a chance to give you the once over but you --”

“Over my dead body,” he interrupted with a hiss.

“Okay, fine then! You want me to bring Rey in here then?” Poe gestured to the door. He was only half-bluffing. “Tell her everything you’ve said so far is a lie?”

“Don’t!” There was a flurry of movement and Finn was now face-to-face with Poe at the bars of his cell. His voice was softer the next time he spoke, almost a resigned plea: “Don’t say anything to her about the First Order.”

“That’s what I was expecting.”

Finn chuckled in defeat, the laugh of a man that was trying his best to pretend he still had some control of the situation. “What is it you want from me anyways, Dameron? You want me to join up with the Resistance? I’m telling you, I’d rather die.”

“I know,” the pilot’s voice is serious. “I want to know why.”

“Why what, Commander?”

“Why you would die for Hux.”

There was a pause and the young man’s eyes widened, almost comically. “ _Hux_?” Finn guffawed. A genuine laugh. Poe blinked back his surprise at the unchecked amusement on the younger man’s face. The pilot almost had to keep himself from smiling with him as the laughter continued to fill the space between them. “You’re kidding! _Me_? Die for _Hux_? _Armitage Hux_? You must be out of your mind. I’d kill the bastard with my bare hands if I had the chance.”

Poe seemed to deflate completely. He didn’t mean for it to come out so stupefied but his ability to think logically in light of recent events was nil. “What?”

“Don’t be so surprised,” Finn replied, a faint trace of mirth on his lips. “I told you before, my loyalties aren’t to the Order anymore.”

He’d never been good at logic puzzles but he’d never figured he was this bad. “Then what is this about, Finn?” 

“It’s about doing the right thing.”

“The right thing?” Poe was incredulous, trying to decipher some hidden meaning. “I don’t know who you’re loyal towards, but if they have anything to do with the First Order, then they aren’t doing the right thing, that’s for sure.”

“The First Order could burn for all I care,” the prisoner seemed irritated. Poe bit at the corner of his lip. He’d have to tread carefully if he wanted to keep him talking. “And I don’t think you have much right to talk about right and wrong when you are hosting known smugglers on your base. What kind of morality does the Resistance run on anyways, Commander?”

“Han Solo is a hero of the Republic,” Poe explained. “So what if he balks on tariffs and dodges a few embargoes. What's a little smuggling if you aren’t hurting anyone?”

“That’s what I thought,” Finn feigned a resigned sigh, a scornful air hanging about him. “All crimes are forgiven in the name of the good cause, aren’t they?”

“Leia...I mean, _General Organa_ , she isn’t the type to care about the little things as long as you’re ready to do the right thing when it comes.”

It was so brief that he wasn’t sure if he’d imagined it but Poe thought he noticed the younger man flinch just slightly when the general was mentioned. 

Finn let out a withering chuckle. “What is it, Commander? Do you by chance have a smuggling background yourself? You seem awfully sympathetic. _Hm_ , now let’s see. You look like...oh, perhaps a dash of spice running, maybe?” 

Poe bit at his inner cheek, hoping Finn wouldn’t pick up on his little tick. It was so long ago that even Poe had forgotten his short time on Kijimi. To be fair, this was the first time it had really come back to haunt him. If he were being honest, his own admiration for Han Solo, a comrade his parents had fought alongside during the Rebellion, had been one of the ways he’d justified the brief stint with the Spice Runners of Kijimi. 

Finn observed the pilot and laughed again. “Was I right on the money there, Dameron?”

He was young and stupid and his parents would have been disappointed if they found out what he’d been doing...and _kriffing hell_ , does Finn know how to get under his damn skin!

“So what if I do?” he finally replied, defiant. He licked his lips before speaking again and tried to reorient the conversation back to where it was before: “This person you mentioned. The one you have a loyalty towards. If it’s not Hux, then maybe you want to enlighten me so I don’t look like an idiot again?”

Finn stared at the pilot, long and hard, as if to determine if he could trust him. There was an extended pause before he spoke, his face impassive: “Call your General Organa.”

It was Poe’s turn to narrow his eyes. “Why? Why _now_?”

“Oh, just for a change of pace, I wanted to talk to someone who _hasn’t_ lied to me yet,” Finn grimaced. However, a split-second later, the prisoner chuckled softly at a passing thought. He glanced at Poe, a mocking hostility look in his eye: “Besides, I imagine she’s better informed than you. Really, _Hux_ of all people.”

Poe returned the expression and briefly wondered what the hell he was trying to do. Finn desperately wanted to go back to whoever this mysterious man was, Hux or _whoever_. He examined the younger man’s face and studied every muscle twitch, every breath, every flutter of his eyelid. 

_Kriff._ Had he always looked this exhausted? Finn looked like he hadn’t slept well in days. Granted, none of the cots on base were comfortable but Poe couldn’t help but notice the creases in the younger man’s face from where worry had gnawed away at him. Poe could feel the slight jab in his chest. _It didn’t suit him._

Now, Poe thinks he might be really jealous: he couldn’t think of a single person outside of his family who would look like this for him. The pilot could almost laugh at how pitiful he sounds right now. Imagine being envious of some First Order officer. 

Poe sighed and lowered his shoulders in defeat. “Okay, buddy, you wanna see General Organa? You’ll see General Organa. Don’t know how much it’ll help you though.”

* * *

“Hello, Finn,” the older woman said as she entered the cell. As if to tempt the man, she left the cell door wide open behind her. “Commander Dameron said you wanted to speak with me.”

“General Organa,” the younger man replied, savoring the name on his lips. “I’ve heard much about you but I don’t know if it’s done your presence justice.”

She gave a courteous nod in response. “I thank you _and_ your sources.”

“No thanks are necessary; it’s entirely fitting your reputation, General.” 

“Did you call me here just to compliment me, Finn?”

“No, General.” He took a step forward but the general stayed in the same position, unintimidated. “I called you here to ask if the name ‘Kylo Ren’ has any meaning for you.”

The corner of the General’s mouth twitched before she revealed an easy smile. “Of course. Along with the other members of the First Order command, he is responsible for countless acts of crime against citizens of the New Republic and other unfederated planets.”

Finn nodded graciously. “A carefully curated response and I expected nothing less. So, I’ll stop wasting both our time and get to the point.”

“By all means.”

The edges of the younger man’s lips tugged upward revealing an unnerving leer. “If Kylo Ren doesn’t strike a personal chord, then I wonder what the name ‘Ben Solo’ means to you.”

“It means you have very good sources,” she replied without hesitation. Her façade - the confident smile playing on her lips - remained despite her own irregular heartbeat. “I have to wonder to myself though, just what does this all mean to _you_?”

“Nothing,” the younger man scoffed something like laughter. “It only confirms what I already know.”

“And just what do you know?”

“That you would have been pleased if Luke Skywalker had accomplished what he set out to do that night.”

The general’s brow furrowed, her narrowing eyes full of contemplation as she examined the man in front of her. She reached out with the Force, lightly probing the young man’s outer consciousness. She was less skilled than her brother, but she was still adept in it’s ways, the teachings from her apprenticeship as a young woman still fresh in her mind. There was resistance to her presence but not enough to hide the truth: the young man was sincere in his accusation.

But what exactly was the accusation? 

After his temple was destroyed and his padawan slain, Luke had run off to the far reaches of the galaxy, leaving no trace of where he went. She knew her brother was a sensitive man but she would be the first to admit that she was surprised at his retreat. He was sensitive, yes, but not a coward. He was filled with the Light, an instinctive need to right wrongs and confront darkness. She hadn’t understood why he ran off the way he did. She understood even less why he would run off without saying a word to her. In the years that have passed, she thought perhaps she was beginning to see the events of that day the way her brother had: a divine sign from the Force that the Jedi Order and the Skywalker name could only produce tragedy and disaster. When it came to her like this, she could understand why he chose a life of isolation. 

On that terrible night, Luke had set out to do something. Something he had _failed_ to accomplish. _Was his task to stop Ben from destroying the temple?_

 _No_ , the answer came quickly. Finn’s tone was angered and vengeful. Poe had told her how he had saved him on Jakku. When she'd met the them at the _Falcon_ , she was startled at how well Finn could hide his presence in the Force. It was a fact that piqued her curiosity in the younger man more than anything he’s said so far because even with his tremendous control, Finn couldn't hide the fact that he was filled with Light.

This man was angry _for_ Ben. Angry about something that happened _to_ Ben that night.

Something Luke was going to do to Ben. 

What if she was correct, what if Luke had sensed what was coming and tried to stop it from occurring that night…

What if Luke, with his predilection towards the Light, had seen the darkness she knew Kylo Ren capable of and that night, he’d tried to control the Darkness the only way their family has ever been able to…

She gasped, a barely audible inward rush of air. Her eyes locked with the younger man, contempt now openly playing across his features. 

She’s always had to be in control. She was always at war with her environment and expectations: as princess, as a senator, as a member of the Rebellion, as a general. She’d always been the pinnacle of control but momentarily, a rush of grief washed over her as all the incomprehensible pieces of that night began to weave themselves together. 

_Luke had tried to kill Ben._ Before the temple fell, before the first padawan was slain. The real reason why Luke ran away, so unlike himself, unable to face her. 

The unanswered questioned swirled in her mind with no one to ask: Luke was missing still. It wasn’t until the First Order became unstable -- when war was on the horizon -- that Lor San Tekka had reached out to her, claiming he had a piece of a map that could lead them to the missing Jedi. _A map that would lead her to the answer to all her unasked questions._

And ironically, even if inadvertently, Finn had helped them complete that mission.

“You’ve aided us greatly, whether you meant to or not. You’re not a prisoner here,” she spoke moments later although it felt like an eternity. She left his previous statement unaddressed, unsure if she was willing to even believe her own conclusion. “What is it you want, Finn?”

“Only what Dameron promised,” he replied, voice still harsh. “Transport to a neutral planet, where I can make contact with…” 

His voice trailed and she hadn’t noticed that he was breathing heavier than before. He had resisted her probing into his mind just a few moments ago. _This man had too much Light in him to be a Sith disciple,_ she thought. Yet, if it wasn’t Snoke, then there was only one other teacher of the Force within the First Order...

“It can be arranged,” she responded with a curt nod. “I apologize for the inconvenience and for you having been brought all the way here against your will. Commander Dameron’s hesitations about releasing you were unfounded.” 

Finn raised an eyebrow. “Oh? And what makes you say that?”

“You wouldn’t be able find your way back to this planet if you wanted.”

Finn smirked. “That’s a dangerous presumption, General.”

She shook her head and laughed softly. “No, Finn, it’s no presumption.” 

The younger man’s smirk disappeared. He eyed her warily and slowly, she felt the situation tilt again in her favor. She turned towards the open cell door, but before she took her leave, she stole one final glance back at the hardened face of the young man. 

“He’s taught you well but you both still have a lot to learn about control.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized that in none of the movies did Leia or Han ever learn about what actually went down (the way Luke explained it) so that ought to be rectified because !!!!!!


	6. Chapter 6

“You want me to take him back to Jakku?” the pilot exclaimed. 

“Yes, and be discrete about it. Take someone with you and don’t let him out of your sight.” She looked at him gravely, “Always have a guard on him, Poe, and stay one step ahead. He’s far more clever than you’re giving him credit for.”

“What did he say to you?” Poe asked, matching her tone. When it was clear she wouldn’t divulge their conversation, he continued with the facts: “He knows where the base is.”

“Commander, you have an order,” she responded, flat and unamused. “Gather your supplies and your crewman and get him back to Jakku. Immediately.”

Poe sucked his teeth in defeat. He knew the tone well enough: she’s the general and what she says goes. Unless the next thing out of his mouth was a question about his mission, the conversation was over. So, he needed to find someone to watch Finn, huh? Apparently whatever Finn had said was enough to convince her he’d be trouble. The pilot smiled to himself: _And she thought I was overexaggerating when I said he’s a tough one._

A sudden thought occurred to him: “Oh, I can take Rey!” He jogged to catch up with the general who’d outpaced him. “There’s something about Rey. He doesn’t want her to know who he is for some reason. He’s desperate to keep it a secret. She’s perfect for --”

“No,” she interjected sharply. “The last person you should be taking with you is Rey. For one, she’s untrained and would be unprepared if the First Order caught up to you. And furthermore…”

Poe leaned towards the older woman, his whole body encouraging the general to continue her sentence. “And furthermore...?”

“And furthermore, something tells me that’s exactly what he wants.”

The pilot blinked a few times. “What do you mean?”

“Poe, I need your mind on completing this mission and getting back here as soon as possible. I’ll worry about details,” she replied, a note of finality in her voice. She scanned the younger man’s face. It was the face of a man, that’s for sure, but those eager eyes were Kes and Shara's little boy. She gave him a playful smile. “Be sure Dr. Kalonia gives Finn a physical before he leaves, too. We don’t want to return him in worse condition than we found him.”

“General! General Organa!” 

A communications officer ran towards the pair, a look of horror on their face.

“New Republic…! The New Republic’s been destroyed! Hosnian Prime and four other planets...they’re gone!”

“That’s impossible...” the pilot’s eyes widened and he swallowed, hard. His voice was disbelieving: “How could they destroy five planets, just like that?”

“General Hux of the First Order was broadcasting just before they fired,” the officer reported. “It was some...some kind of beam, ma’am, coming from the Unknown Regions. We’re tracing the exact origin now but it’s the other side of the galaxy.”

“It’s their new weapon,” the general whispered, mainly to herself. She turned to address Poe: “Intelligence has been tracking their supply chains. There’s been a lot of unusual activity and they’ve been going to great lengths to obscure their trail. Our informants have been clamoring about some kind of super weapon for months but I just didn’t think it would be ready so soon.”

He’d heard Admiral Ackbar and Leia whisper about the weapon once, in a conversation he wasn’t supposed to hear. He’d stopped listening at doors and peeking through keyholes as a kid but this was one of those things you couldn’t pass up. They hadn’t known anything about it - a rumor from unreliable informants who’d tell you anything for a little gambling money. A powerful weapon, that’s it, and the two Resistance leaders had ended the conversation skeptical about its very existence. 

Poe’s parents had told him about the Death Star but he didn’t think there could be another one. A weapon that could destroy multiple worlds within seconds, hidden somewhere in the galaxy and built without their knowledge. _How many more could there be out there and when will they fire next?_ He held back the chill that threatened to consume him. 

“What do we do?”

“We don’t do anything else until we know what we’re up against,” she turned to the communication officer. “Assemble all the senior officers in the control room as soon as possible, and if they haven’t already taken the _Falcon_ and run off to who knows where, find Han and Chewie, too. I’ll be there in a moment.”

The officer nodded swiftly and ran in the direction of the communications office. News of what the superweapon had done would get around the galaxy quickly, and the major broadcasting relays were probably reporting the destruction already. The galaxy was probably in pandemonium right now.

“What about my mission and Finn?” Poe asked, his eyes following the officer's path. 

The alarm on the base blared: _Yellow alert. All units prepare and maintain battle readiness. Senior officers report to the control room. Repeat: yellow alert. All units prepare and maintain battle readiness. Senior officers report to the control room._

“It’ll have to wait now,” the general frowned. Now especially wasn’t a great time to have the young man in the holding cell. 

“Leia,” his voice was quiet. “He could be helpful.”

“I doubt he’ll be as accommodating as you think.”

“I have an angle with him I could use,” the pilot replied. “It’s a long-shot but...but he’s not as tough as he pretends to be. I left it out of my report - it didn’t seem important at the time, well, that’s a lie. It just seemed...personal...it didn’t have anything to do with the mission --”

Leia’s face twisted in annoyance as she realized that her commander had once again taken liberties when it came to his post. Poe always felt he was able to get away with a little more when it came to her and maybe she let him. She’d known him as a child, when she’d visit Kes and Shara on Yavin 4, and as a young man when he was in the New Republic Defense Fleet. She even knew about his dealings on Kijimi and his brief, ill-conceived foray into spricerunning.

He’d joined the Resistance shortly after and she found out the man that Poe had grown up into: brilliant but headstrong, handsome but a little too dashing, brave but entirely too foolhardy. When it came down to it, he was just another flyboy desperate to emulate the over-inflated persona known as Han Solo. 

Maybe that’s why she liked him so much.

“Out with it Dameron!” she demanded. “In case you’ve forgotten, the New Republic’s just been annihilated so excuse me if I don’t have time to listen to you ramble about why you withheld information from your superior officer.”

Regret colored his face. “There was somebody aboard the Finalizer. A...a lover, I think. I thought, at least. That’s why he’s so desperate to go back.”

Her head whirled and she stared the pilot in the eye. Her mouth was slightly agape, a dawning on her face. Poe returned the stare with questioning eyes. She coaxed him, latching onto his minor correction: “You thought?” 

He nodded. He tried to keep his mind on the conversation at hand but the general’s reaction lingered with him. “Yeah, I thought it was Hux but when I suggested it to Finn earlier, he laughed it off. I’ve spoken to Intelligence and combed over the personnel list we have for the _Finalizer_ a hundred times. There’s no one else on that list other than Hux who could offer the kind of protection, who had enough clout to stop every ‘trooper from shooting and get Kylo Ren himself to try and stop us from escaping.”

“Kylo Ren?” the general repeated. “There was no mention in your report of Kylo Ren after your interrogation, Commander. You thought this information wasn’t important?”

“It was a minor detail that escaped me until now,” the pilot replied defensively. “Because you know, somewhere between nearly dying on Jakku and then nearly dying on the _Finalizer_ , it slipped my mind. But really, it was the whole nearly dying on Jakku for a _second time_ that pushed it out of my head completely.”

“Can the sarcasm,” the general’s brow was knitted in annoyance, touched with anger. In any other outfit, this would be insubordination. “We’re going into this meeting, Dameron, and from now on, I want full honesty from you. You’re one of my top men but I can’t afford you leaving out any more details. We’re in the middle of a crisis right now, and you’d better thank whatever it is you pray to at night, because it’s the only thing keeping me from grounding you. But so help me, if I find out you’re disobeying orders, withholding information, or acting like some hotshot out there, you’re down here with the rest of us mere mortals. Do you understand me?”

He gave a curt, militaristic nod and Leia thinks that maybe the New Republic Defense Fleet did teach him something after all. “Understood.”

Leia stared at him, eyes trailing him from head to toe and back up again. She shook her head, resigned: you can’t order the natural rebellion out of someone. It’s what made him the best pilot in the Resistance and the biggest pain in her neck. 

She turned back to address Poe before entering the control room: “For the love of all that’s holy, I hope you do.”

* * *

In the main control room of the base on D’Qar, the remnants of the Rebellion huddled around a three-dimensional map of an isolated, frozen planet in the Unknown Region. Leia, Han, Chewie, Poe, C-3PO, and an assortment of senior officers including Statura and Ackbar, stared alternately at the holographic world and at each other. It was no Death Star - it was a real planet with a name, a charted tundra. Yet unlike the giant metallic moon that begged for attention, Illum was the type of planet you flew past without a second thought. A cold, lonely rock out in the middle of nowhere, on the edge of the Galaxy.

“They’ve built a new kind of hyperspace weapon within the planet itself,” Poe announced to the group, summarizing the preliminary report they’d been given. “Something that can fire across interstellar distances in the equivalent of real time.”

“How is it possible to power a weapon of that size?" Ackbar questioned.

“We don’t have answers yet,” Leia responded. “And we can’t afford speculation at this point.”

Statura nodded. “We’re having flyers in the area do reconnaissance work but until then, we’ll have to stand-by. 

The comms officer replaced the image of Illum with a map of the surrounding area. “Can we establish a temporary base nearby? Illum is clear across the galaxy. If we need to act, we can’t do it from here.”

Leia shook her head. “No, it would attract too much attention. We’d be setting ourselves up for casualties.”

“Still,” they continued. “We can’t have D’Qar be our base of operation if war breaks out. If anything, this base being a secret may be the only tactical advantage we have at this point. We can’t afford it being discovered, not now. We need something else, closer, where we can establish a command post.”

“Hold it just a minute. Zoom this thing out,” Han bellowed. He pointed a finger at a planet nearby Jakku: “We can set up camp here. It’s not right up next to the damn thing but it’s close enough. Plus I know someone who’ll put us up. Probably can get us information quicker than any recon can.”

Leia eyed the older pilot. There was a time when she wouldn’t have questioned him, would have nodded and began preparations on the strength of his word. “And we can trust this...person?”

“About as far as I can throw her,” he seemed proud but slumped when the group stared at him blankly. He clarified, a note of exasperation on the edges of his tone: “She’s tiny. I can throw her pretty far.”

“Takodana,” C-3PO read. “It is a neutral planet in the Tashtor sector although it’s frequented by a rather disreputable crowd.”

Leia smirked to herself. How else do you think Han knows about it? She addressed Poe: “Gather a small group. I want you to be the commanding officer of this satellite base,” she made eye contact with him, as if to remind him of their conversation moments before. “Are you up for it?”

His face is resolute. “I am.” 

“Good,” she nodded in confirmation. “While Poe is handling the operations on Takodana, we have a few issues of our own to handle. Four days ago, we acquired a piece of the map to where Luke is,” she motioned for the technician to display the hologram. “As you can see, it’s incomplete and what we have isn’t particularly helpful.”

“Pardon me, General Organa, but I have given much thought to this since Master Poe and BB-8 returned,” C-3PO interjected. “Perhaps I may suggest where you can find information on the additional piece of the map?”

“By all means, if you have any suggestions, tell us.”

“R2D2 is currently being stored, deactivated, in a storage room here on this base. He was with Master Luke at his Academy on the day he disappeared. Surely, he would be the next step in acquiring information about the map.”

The information of the droid's whereabouts took the general by surprise. The last time she’s seen R2D2 had been here on D’Qar, on the night that Luke disappeared. The droid had acted as the Jedi’s messenger - a few melancholic beeps and Luke’s hologram message to explain what had happened. She had felt so hollow that night that she hadn’t noticed where the droid had gone afterwards. _Probably wherever Luke had gone_ , she figured when the droid occasionally crossed her mind. She hadn’t realized he’d been collecting dust in a broom closet here on base this whole time. 

“Take BB-8 and see what R2D2 can do with the piece of the map.”

“Yes, General!” the robot responded as he turned and scrambled excitedly to the door. 

They aren’t human so she knows it didn’t make sense, but Leia was sure the robot was pleased to be reunited with his old friend. The small group of command officers seemed to share the sentiment, the mood lightening in spite of current events. Ackbar, Statura, and the other senior officers received their commands from the general and one-by-one, with small nods, left to tend to their posts.

“Now,” she continued, addressing Poe, Chewie and Han. “That just leaves the issue of our would-be prisoner.”

“You mean the kid who got that cheap shot at me?”

“Oh, did he?” she replied, flatly. “I think I’m beginning to warm up to him.”

Chewie roared in solidarity with his friend and Han nodded. “Chewie’s right, he’s a menace.”

“Right now that ‘menace’ is our only ready source of information on this weapon and whatever else they have going on at the First Order,” Leia replied, contemplating. She recalled Poe’s ‘angle.’ “Commander, what we were discussing earlier. That alternative interrogation technique, use it. Get any information you can out of him on that weapon and what the First Order is planning.”

“Understood, ma’am.”

Poe turned towards the door before Leia called out to him. “And Poe?”

He halted just short of the exit and threw a glance over his shoulder. “Yes, ma’am?”

“Offer him a ride to Takodana while you’re at it.”

Poe’s eyes widened and he turned now to face his commanding officer. “Are you kidding?”

“I offered him passage to a neutral planet,” she shrugged, a small smile playing across her lips. “After all, Takodana is neutral, isn’t it?”

“He’ll call the First Order the moment he’s off the ship.”

“I know.”

“And I don’t think he’s going to conveniently forget to tell them that we’re setting up camp there.”

“No, Commander. I don’t think we have to worry about that,” she had a far-off contemplative look in her eye. “You have your orders. Dismissed.”

* * *

  
Finn adjusted the hem of his shirt, irritated. “Where in the galaxy is Takodana supposed to be?”

“It’s a skip and a hop from Jakku,” Poe grinned. “We figured you liked it there so much, you’d want to stay close.”

“Very amusing, Commander,” the younger man replied, monotonous. “Who will be escorting me there?”

Poe stayed silent, a grin still plastered across his face. Finn watched him for a moment, attempting to decipher the silence until he finally understood. 

“You’re kidding,” he groaned. “This is a form of torture.”

“Aw, I like spending time with you, too, buddy,” Poe retorted. 

The air on the base was crisp when they walked out, a light fog dusting the horizon. Mornings like this were always serene but today, there was a flurry of activity. Comms officers dashing from unit to unit, pilots in full gear, engineers and techs buzzing around with arms full of cords, weapons and various tools. 

“Busy day?” Finn asked as they walked towards the ship hangar. His question was directed at the ground in front of him, and when Poe stole a glance, he could see the millions of thoughts racing through the young man’s head in each tiny movement of his features. “You’re on yellow alert.”

Poe had his order: extract information from the young man using whatever tactics at his disposal. Yet there was a guilty feeling sinking in as he watched that same indistinct anguish in Finn’s countenance. He was thinking about _him_. 

“The First Order has destroyed the Hosnian system, five planets are gone,” Poe watched as Finn’s whole body tensed. The younger man turned towards him sharply, his face begging Poe to say it wasn’t true. As if to answer the unasked question, Poe frowned deeply, thinking of all the lives lost: “It’s on all the relays. You might be the last person in the galaxy to know.”

Finn’s eyes darted, unable to focus on any one object for more than a fleeting moment. “How many people?” he finally asked, almost a whisper. 

“I saw the number of casualties written out in the preliminary report,” Poe matched his tone, low and serious. “But I’m not sure what to tell you. I’ve never counted that high.”

If there was any doubt in Poe’s mind that Finn wasn’t a good man, it was vanquished when he saw the clear pain on the younger man’s face. It wasn’t for his lover or even himself, it was for the people of the Hosnian system. 

“Hux made a broadcast before it began. The First Order means to go to war and with this weapon at their disposal, they might just win.”

Each word was a knife: tiny needlepoints applying pressure against the younger mans’ skin until the barrier finally collapsed under the pressure. Poe would keep speaking, keep digging the knives deeper and deeper, and he would wait until the younger man was bled dry. Then he’d strike.

“Rey is thinking of joining up with the Resistance.”

A muscle in the younger man’s face twitched. “She’s spent her whole life in a junkyard. What does she know about going to war?”

“What does anyone know about going to war, Finn?” Poe motioned around the bustling base. “You think any of us know anything about going to war? We didn’t choose this. The First Order and...and people like your _friend_ ,” he spat the last word out, suddenly disgusted that the younger man’s morality was tied entirely to this man. “They’re the ones that want war. This is their business, we’re just trying to put them out of it.”

Poe didn’t mean for all of that to come out. He’d planned for this informal interrogation to go a lot smoother. He was going to be methodical for once. The first strike, then the second and then the final blow that would have Finn on his knees. 

“Fine,” Finn said, softly. “You want information from me about the weapon, don’t you? Why don’t you just come out and ask for what you want, Dameron.”

“We know it’s a hyperspace weapon inside the planet,” Poe responded, but his voice was gentle as if he was soothing a wounded animal. “What we don’t know is how they’re powering it and how to destroy it.”

Finn didn’t look over at the pilot. Instead, his gaze was on a figure in the distance. _Rey_. His ace in the hole coming back to help him again. She was speaking with Pava, laughing about something. Poe’s heart rate increased as Finn opened his mouth to speak again. “It’s on top of a well-fortified installation known as Starkiller Base and it’s capable of harvesting the power of stars.”

“Starkiller…?” Poe couldn’t help but think it was only a little less on the nose than ‘Death Star.’ Suddenly, Poe perked with a realization. “There is only one star in the Illum system! That means they can’t fire that thing again if they wanted!” 

“As usual, you’re too quick to underestimate the First Order,” the grave look on the younger man’s face didn’t leave him and Poe’s bright expression faded slowly as Finn shook his head. “It’s mobile. Even if you were to get through the planetary shield, they can hold you off until they are able to get the weapon off world.”

“There has to be a weak point to this thing though. There is no such thing as the perfect weapon.”

“Hux may be an arrogant zealot but he’s meticulous,” Finn responded, his mind clearly somewhere else at the moment. “Every corner, every array and assembly, he personally oversaw its construction. Starkiller is as technically impressive as it is flawless.”

“You make it sound like you’ve been there.”

Finn averted his eyes from the older man’s face and focused his attention on the two women in front of him. He waved, neat and proper as always, and smiled at them. He threw a sideways glance at Poe, the smile dropping temporarily. “I have been there."

"So you've known this whole --"

"I’m telling you now, Dameron," the young man interjected. "Between the base and the Supreme Leader, it would be easier to just accept the First Order's rule. It would be less destructive than a war they will never forfeit."

It was Poe's turn to greet the two women as they came into earshot. "Trust me, buddy, a galaxy ruled by the First Order is the furthest thing from peaceful I can imagine. I joined the Resistance to be the spark that burns the First Order down to the ground," he turned to Finn and gave an appealing smile, "I want to burn it down and you don't care if the First Order burns, right? We make a good pair even if you won't admit it."

"It's suicide, Dameron," he whispered in response. "It'd be easier to run --"

"It's always easier to run, Finn," Poe interrupted this time as BB-8 rolled toward him with enthusiasm. He grinned at his friend and let it spill over as he looked at Finn. "Trying to change things is always the hard part but damn if it isn't worth fighting for."

Finn took in the pilot for a minute and sighed, almost tragically but too prettily for Poe to ignore. "It pains me to admit it, Dameron, but you might have a point."


	7. Chapter 7

Takodana was overwhelming with nature. The smell of the wilderness - of trees, flowers, and pollen - were almost intoxicating to Poe. He spent half his time in a cockpit, in the farthest reaches of bare space, and the other half trying to make up for all the sleep he misses. Now though, the scent of nature prickled his nose and conjured up memories of his youth on Yavin 4.

There was something ancient and mysterious about the place as well and the air around him seemed alive with bygone secrets. It was hard to believe that the universe was at the verge of war. Poe’d ordered his small crew to set up a base camp in the forest, away from the den of smugglers and First Order informants that lurked in cantina where they were to meet Han’s contact.

“Han Solo!” Maz Kanata, Han’s “friend” and supposed pirate queen, shouted in an unceremonious greeting. The entire bar seemed to freeze as their glares traveled toward the interlopers. Maz approached them with an amused smile: “You’re a sight for sore eyes, Han Solo. I heard you’d had an encounter with Kanjiklub.”

The older pilot huffed before answering roughly. “Ask Kanjiklub about it.”

With Han’s answer, the cantina was satisfied to resume its uproarious activity.

For a minute there, Poe thought they were in trouble because even if Finn decided to help them out (which Poe had doubts about), there was no way they could take on a bar full of scoundrels, thieves and other legitimate business-creatures. The younger pilot moved his head just slightly to observe Finn as they followed Maz towards a booth in the back. 

When they’d landed, the young man was the last one off the _Falcon_. For a guy that was so eager to get to a neutral planet, he didn’t seem to be in a hurry to do... _anything_. When he’d stepped off the _Falcon_ , Finn seemed to be in as much awe as Poe was at the natural beauty. 

“You’re free to go,” Poe explained after taking in a large breath of fresh air. 

“I’ll go with you to the castle. I haven’t eaten a real meal in days,” Finn had replied. “Unless you object to me eating in the same place you do your business, Dameron.”

Poe bowed as graciously and as mockingly as he could. “Not at all, your highness.”

So, Poe’s rightfully a little suspicious right now of what exactly is going on because as soon as they sat down, food and drink appeared in front of them and the only one who seemed to be picking at the assortment of finger food was Han. _There is something wrong here_ , Poe’s gut was certain of that but damned if he didn’t know _what._ The younger pilot stole another glance at Finn’s face (which, admittedly, he does more often than he will admit) and found those rich, dark eyes darting around the room from patron to patron. 

_Is he looking for someone?_ Couldn’t be, he ruled out. As Leia ordered, they had kept a strict watch on the man on their way to Takodana. He couldn’t have made contact with anyone in the First Order yet but he was up to _something_ . Leia’d warned him to stay one step of ahead of Finn but it’s hard to do that when he doesn’t know where in the _kriffin_ world Finn was trying to go.

Han grunted loudly as he adjusted himself in the narrow booth. “Anyways, Maz, we’re here --”

“The map to Skywalker, yes. Everyone from here to the ends of the universe knows,” she scoffed and threw her hands up, ready to move past what she already knew. “There is a pretty bounty out for that map and for your head, too, Han Solo.”

“That’s not just it,” he leaned forward and replied. “The First Order, they have this --”

“Ah, yes,” the older woman interrupted again and the pilot leaned back into his seat again, resigned to the fact he may never get a full sentence out. “Their weapon. Even I saw the beam that destroyed the Hosnian system. Countless lives lost.”

It was Poe’s turn to lean forward now. He spoke in a conspiratorial whisper, mindful that he was surrounded by people who would sell out their whereabouts for drinking money: “That’s why we need the help of everyone we can get. It’s not a time to be neutral.”

The wisdom of her thousand years was on full display as she responded with a pensive nod. “I’ve seen evil take many forms, Commander. The Sith, the Empire, and now today, it’s the First Order. I see their shadow spreading across the galaxy.” She took off her lenses and cleaned them, slowly and deliberately. “You’re right. We must face them. Fight them. All of us.”

Suddenly, as if seized by a bolt of intrigue, Maz Kanata swiftly adjusted her variable lens goggles and with a loud thump, crawled onto the table to stare straight at Finn. Her face was almost pressed against the young man’s but he didn’t flinch. He matched the intensity of her stare, his coldness against the bright curiosity in her eyes. 

“Ah, but you’re a man who wants to run,” she said as a matter of fact. “What do you fear, young man?”

“You don’t know what the First Order is capable of,” Finn responded unhesitating. He didn’t break eye contact with the petite but formidable woman in front of him. “If any of these people were intelligent, they’d want to run, too.”

She considered him for a moment longer and Poe thinks that maybe she just wanted to win the staring contest at this point. In resignation, the woman removed herself from the table and sighed deeply. “Han Solo and this other pilot, they won’t run. However, Sidon Ithano and Quiggold,” she motioned to two large men at the bar, “They’ll take you to the Outer Rim as long as you’re willing to do a little work to pay for your fare.”

The younger man’s eyes flickered over to Poe and held his gaze. Finn licked his lips ( _focus, Poe, focus_ ) and the younger pilot couldn’t help but notice the younger man seemed nervous about something. Abruptly, Finn slammed his hands down on the table and stood up. However, instead of walking towards the two pirates at the bar, he headed to the entrance to the castle-bar. He turned briefly to stare at the trio still sitting in the booth before his eyes dropped to the floor. The younger man shook his head just slightly before he turned on his heel and out the door, back to the planet’s surface. 

Poe made a move to follow but stopped himself: what exactly would he do when he caught up to him? His mission was complete: he got Finn to Takodana. That’s it and Finn has been pretty explicit that he doesn’t want to spend more time than needed in the pilot’s company. Leia seemed confident that the young man wouldn’t reveal their location but the pilot took a quick inventory of everything to be sure they were truly safe. Well, for one, the _Falcon_ is safe: Chewie was guarding the ship. Two, the make-shift base isn’t at risk either: Rose and the others had blasters and Finn is completely unarmed. 

Above it all though, the castle was the only modern thing on the planet. If Finn _was_ going to call the First Order, it would have to be from here. So, Poe figured, it’s been a strange trip but there was nothing to worry about. And yet the feeling gnawed at him: _okay, Dameron, if that’s the case then why do you feel so damn uneasy?_

“Delicate fellow, isn’t he?” The old woman’s laugh interrupted his thoughts. “But a wily one, indeed.”

The pilot titled his head in confusion. “How do you figure that?”

Maz’s lenses found their way to the door again as she ignored Poe. Instead, she turned to address Han. “What did Leia say about the young man?”

“Nothing,” he slumped and shrugged his shoulders. “Just to keep an eye on him.”

“There is another one like him that came with you,” the old woman hummed. “I can sense them now. They’re together.”

Han shot up sharply and shouted: “They’re _what_?” 

The older pilot’s voice seemed to be begging the older woman to say she’s joking. 

“Keep your voice down, Han Solo,” she chided as her patrons attention returned to them. “You know I've always thought you were too excitable for this business.”

“That can't be right though, Maz," he emphasized. “We only brought the kid with us. We left the girl --” 

“The girl?” Poe almost gave himself whiplash as his neck rotated quickly from speaker to speaker. “Someone want to fill me in here?”

“The scavenger you picked up from Jakku,” Han explained quickly as he sat up and headed out towards the _Falcon_. Poe nodded a quick goodbye to Maz, and hurried to catch up with the pilot, who had managed to make it half-way down the steps of the castle already. The older pilot’s face was dark as he continued. “You know what the Force is, don’t you?”

“I’ve heard of it,” Poe answered as the _Falcon_ came into sight. “But I don’t really understand it.”

“No one understands it, not even the people who run around using it,” Han clarified, low and irritated. The statement carried more weight than the current situation seemed to call for and Poe was certain there was a piece to this riddle he was missing. “If Maz is right -- and _dammit_ , she’s always right -- then your friend’s been taking us for a ride.”

The Wookie roared a greeting as they approached but Han ignored him to walk up the gangplank and into the fuselage. He stood and scanned the area. So the punk had managed to stow the girl away, huh? He chuckled, half-impressed. He’d even managed to fool Leia, and with the thought, the older pilot bobbed his head in disbelief. 

His wife’s voice rang through his mind: _I’ve spoken to him, Han. He’s able to use the Force but it’s nothing more than sensitivity. He can barely resist a basic mind probe._ No more than sensitivity, my ass! 

They’d had eyes on him from the moment he entered the hangar on D’Qar but who knows how long he's had them under one of his mind tricks. _Kriff_ , was it even Leia who’d given the order to take him to Takodana? Had the kid put the idea in her mind? If it were up to the pilot, he’d have left the First Order banthafucker in the holding cell to rot but his wife was the type to play the long game; he was shoot first and then shoot some more. 

He’d have to comm Leia and let her know and a sudden chill washed over him. It’d been years since he’d seen Leia before all of this and now suddenly, they were back together right in the thick of it. Funny how things how out, he thought. He only meant to drop off supplies on D’Qar; he hadn’t meant to stay. He was there as Han Solo the smuggler, delivering supplies like he would to anyone else who employed his services. 

He wouldn’t lie and say he didn’t know the exact moment things fell apart between them. Things were peaceful for a long time but when _it_ happened, they didn’t know how to cope: instead of leaning on each other, they pushed, and like Luke, he’d taken the easy way out and left Leia to pick up the pieces. 

Maybe the reality was they just weren’t the type of people that were destined for peace - war and conflict, that was the legacy that loomed over them. Between that legacy and the damn Force --

“Han!” Poe’s voice finally broke through. The younger pilot was holding a blanket and an empty ration packet. He looked confused as he analyzed the items. “These were in the cargo hold but there’s no way --”

“Oh, yes, there is,” Han scoffed. “That kid waved his hand and made a fool out of all of us, including Leia.”

“So Maz is right then? Rey’s here?” Poe frowned. He wasn’t unsure if it even made sense. There’s just no way Rey could have been on the ship without any of them realizing. “With Finn?”

Chewie roared something Poe couldn’t quite understand. 

“Chewie’s right,” the older pilot replied, absorbed in some thought. He turned towards Poe to translate, “If he’s been using this mind trick on us since before we left, why didn’t he call the First Order when we were on D’Qar? Doesn’t make any damn sense.”

Poe only seemed to understand every other word Han was saying but he was certain he knew why Finn didn’t. It was probably why Leia was so sure that Finn wouldn’t tell the First Order about their installation of Takodana. With the realization, his previous unease dissipated. 

“Because, despite everything he’s said, he’s a good man.”

Han and Chewie lifted their gaze from the ship’s communications panel and turned around to stare at Poe. The younger pilot was wearing a sloppy grin and a far off dreamy look in his eye before he snapped back into reality. 

Poe nodded to himself and there was a bright confidence to his features as he headed towards the installation: “I’ll let the others know the situation.”

Still looking at the Wookie, Han’s face twisted in confusion. He pointed a questioning finger at where Poe had been standing and scoffed. "What's with him?"

Chewie chuckled at his friend and wailed an amused answer: _He reminds me of you around 30 years ago._

Just then, Leia’s hologram flickered as the weak connection was made. As his wife’s face became clearer, Han smiled instinctively. It was a small thing that made his rough features seem almost friendly, and there was a glimmer in his eye as Leia commanded a report from him. _Bossy as always._

The Wookie was right, Han thought, he'd had it as bad as Poe does now. He still does. 


	8. Chapter 8

“Finn, are you sure you know where you’re going?” 

Rey grabbed at the fabric on the back of the man’s jacket as he guided them through the darkness. She’d seen Takodana on star maps but she thought all planets were like Jakku - hostile, blistering and suffocating. But how wrong she was: there was a spectacular castle on this planet and she never knew the world could be this _green_. If only the nagging guilt would go away, she’d tell Finn how happy she was he’d convinced her to stowaway. 

General Organa had accepted her into the Resistance, that is, if she wanted to join up. The young woman beamed at the offer until the general told her that the Takodana trip wouldn’t be her first mission. She hadn’t expected to start at the top but she, Poe and Finn...well, they made a good team. She knew she had to go.

“I believe so,” he muttered as he stared around the dimly lit cellar of Takodana Castle. 

“Explain to me again why we couldn’t just go through the front door like everyone else.”

“You make enemies doing what I do,” Finn explained, careful to pick his words. The faces of Poe, Han and Chewie flashed through his mind in sequence. With his back turned to the younger woman, he allowed himself his usual frown. “Enemies you want to avoid at all costs.”

“I see,” she replied, that same wonderment in her voice she had on Jakku. “Eventually, we’ll have to spill it to Han and the others about me stowing away though, won’t we? I can’t stay hidden forever and they’ll be asking where you’ve gone off to, I’m sure.”

Finn stayed quiet for a moment. “I’m sure of that much.”

They took a few more echoed steps before Finn felt her take the material of his jacket between her fingers. Slowly, a playful Chershire grin crept across her face. “Say, is this Poe’s jacket?”

“Huh?” the noise escaped him by mistake. Finn had forgotten completely that he still had it on. “Oh, uh, yes. I believe it is.”

“You believe it is? You’re not sure?” There was a knowing glint in her eye as she hummed. “Now, Finn, how many people are offering you their jackets that you aren’t sure?”

“Rey, Jakku was an inferno,” he replied simply. He kept his head straight ahead. “It’s not like I needed it or anything.”

The young woman’s smile grew even wider as she teasingly alternated her shoulders back-and-forth. She enunciated each word with the sway of her shoulders, an undisguised implication in her voice: “But you’re still wearing it.”

Finn’s lips drew back into a self-conscious line. Well, this is something new. He was used to being the one that maneuvered people into positions where they were on the defensive and he was in control and yet somehow, a scavenger from Jakku seemed to be able to topple years of First Order discipline and training. 

“Your power of observation remains undefeated,” Finn finally retorted. 

“Why don’t you turn around so I can see that lovely blush?” she giggled. “He’s not a bad looking guy, in my opinion.”

“Oh, well, in that case, I can arrange a formal introduction,” he nodded with a touch of levity and finally, he glanced back at the young woman. Her face was still sparkling with jest and Finn softened. “Now, in keeping with the customs of Jakku and in light of your family situation, I’ll take it upon myself to make sure that Dameron pays your full bride price.”

“Very funny,” she pounded a fist lightly against his back. “But there may be some problems with that.”

“Oh, I’ll be sure to get a good price, don’t worry.”

“No,” she drew the word out. “I just have a strong feeling that Poe wants the broker more than the bride.”

Finn’s face went serious and he was glad he was facing away from her again. “Over here,” he grunted, ignoring her comment as he pointed straight ahead. 

There was a brightly lit room at the end of the hall and Finn reached back to grab Rey’s hand, his pace quickening. The castle was a new environment for him but he knew their design quirks well enough to locate the unsecured basement door. With the assistance of the old pirate woman, the Resistance team would surely realize what had happened and what he was up to. The front door of the castle was in clear view of the _Falcon_ but he needed to get Rey inside and secure their passage off this planet. The pirates Sidon Ithano and Quiggold were unscrupulous in business but men of honor nonetheless; they would accept honest work as fare. 

Finn hadn’t expected much from the dimly lit space when they finally reached it; to their left was a set of stairs, the clattering of dishes and raucous laughter of patrons signalling it would lead them to the bar area. As for the space itself, it was full of junk that some people would generously refer to as antiques. 

He felt Rey’s hand slip out of his own and instinctively, his eyes followed her until she settled in front of an old chest. “Rey?” he called out to her but she seemed to be in a trance. 

She opened the box and stared at its contents for a moment. Her breath seemed to hitch and once again the younger man called out to her. He felt frozen in place, unable to go to her, and he knew exactly why. He cursed silently to himself as he attempted to move his frozen limbs. Only the back of her head was visible but he could feel a tinge of reverence and awe electrify the air. Again, he called out to her, this time with more urgency in his voice as he saw the young woman reach into the chest to grab something. 

The moment Rey touched the object, she let out an agonizing cry. Finn’s eyes widened and galvanized by her pain, he broke free of his paralysis. She was shaking now, her eyes closed tightly, faint whimpers punctuating convulsions. He lifted her off the floor and held her close. From his kneeling position, he could see inside the box and he inhaled sharply in recognition of its contents.

He knew what she was suffering from and even more, he knew there was nothing he could do except hold her until she saw what she needed to see. 

The moment he met her on Jakku, he saw the Darkness that lined the Light she radiated. There was an angry fire deep within her: alone, mistreated, desperate for affection. It made her susceptible to the temptation of the dark-side and Finn had hoped to spare Rey the burden and struggle that came with the Force. He knew firsthand how it tore men apart, made them unstable, led to the destruction of themselves and everything they love. 

He wanted her to get away from the Resistance, and even further from the First Order, away from anything that may cause her awakening, but instead he had led her to an object that was practically forged by the Force itself, violently activating her abilities. He wanted to save her from fate, to give her a chance at comfort and peace. 

Finn knew he was foolish to believe that he could alter the will of the Force. 

Now, _he_ would seek out Rey, undoubtedly sensing her awakening in the Force, and the Supreme Leader would order him to bring the girl to him. She was malleable and unguarded, her anger and her power both raw. They wouldn’t rest until she became a Sith acolyte, another pawn for the dark-side, or until she was dead. Finn knew intimately how they casted aside those who could not further their mission. His case was special and even as special as it was, the Supreme Leader didn’t like to leave loose ends. He knew his own time was drawing near.

Rey gasped loudly for air and sprung up. Her eyes opened and she didn’t seem to recognize Finn or her surroundings. “No, no, no!” she chanted, shaking her head, confused and terrified. “Please, no!”

“Rey!” 

Finn shouted, trying to bring her back to reality but without touching him, she pushed him away. The younger man landed against a set of crates, throwing up a raging storm of dust. He coughed violently as he tried to pull himself up. As the grime cleared and his vision stabilized, he could see Rey’s faint outline as she ran down the hallway they had come from. He tried to reach out to her through the Force but not even the Supreme Leader had the power to reach someone through the unbridled energy of an awakening. 

A voice came from above his head: “She will need guidance,” 

Finn looked up onto the stairs to see Maz Kanata staring down at him. He had been so focused on Rey that he didn’t hear or sense the pirate’s approach and briefly, he wondered how long she’d been watching. “Yes,” he replied calmly, returning his gaze towards the hallway. 

“I’ve received word that they know the whereabouts of Luke Skywalker,” Maz said with a wise twist of her lips. “General Leia Organa herself has gone to retrieve him.”

“You know as well as I do what his teachings lead to,” Finn replied, patting the dirt out of his clothes. “I won’t allow Skywalker’s misguided teachings to corrupt her.”

The pirate hummed. “Then you guide her in the ways of the Force.”

There was a reflective moment before he answered. “I am not a teacher.”

“Will you bring her to the one who has taught you?”

“No.”

Maz adjusted her lenses and leaned with a crook of her head. There was a prodding curiosity in her eyes. “What is it you fear?”

 _What do you fear?_ He knew exactly what he was afraid to face but it was none of the pirate’s business. 

_What do you fear?_ It was what all humans feared most: the truth. The ones they bury and avoid; the ones they subvert and deny. It was against his own desires that Finn was an honest man. It was a ridiculous clawing from deep within him, an instinct he couldn’t deny. The Light chose to torment him - how peaceful his existence could have been if he were able to fulfill what the First Order bred him to be: a cold, calculating monster without regard for life. If he could only be what he was born to be, he wouldn’t have to run away from the fear he suspected to be the truth: that there was no more Light left in Kylo Ren. 

_What do you fear?_ It terrorized him late into the night, when he would listen to the even breaths of the man next to him, so uncharacteristically peaceful and unguarded. It plagued him as they meditated and he could feel the Darkness steadily winning the battle, seeing Snoke’s influence grow stronger. It haunted him when the knight held him with a tenderness that rejected the darkness within him.

Now, the Hosnian System was destroyed and that fear again rose from a bed of doubt.

Finn didn’t answer the old woman immediately. His mind was now fixated entirely on where the scavenger had ran off and he moved to follow her trail. Without turning to face her, Finn put up a hand in farewell. “You’re a pirate through and through, Maz Kanata.”

There was a flurry of quick movement and the patter of the older woman’s feet rushed to catch up with him. Finn turned on his heel and looked down to find her holding the contents of the box out towards him. It came out as more of a command than an offer: “Take this.”

The Skywalker lightsaber. _Darth Vader’s lightsaber._ He stared at the weapon and hesitated. There would have been a time he would have been eager to accept it. Eager to present it to Kylo and see the man’s face soften in delight. _It felt like so long ago._ Without words, Finn accepted the weapon and placed it in his waistband. 

It was light and compact, but as he walked down the path that Rey had traveled, the weight of the lightsaber began to feel oppressive.


	9. Chapter 9

“I’ll kill him,” Han muttered as they received the report from Intelligence. "That’s what I’ll do, I’ll kill him.”

A First Order battalion was travelling through hyperspace towards Takodana. Leia had comm’d them, letting them know a fleet of X-fighters would intercept them but not before the first TIE fighters had reached the planet. 

“If you don’t move soon, you won’t be alive yourself.”

The group pivoted toward the voice. Backlit against the opening of the gangplank was Finn, standing tall in defiance, arms crossed, his voice more confident than it should be when everyone but him had a blaster and a reason to shoot. 

“You have a lot of nerve showing back up here,” the older man chuckled, holding out his blaster. “Where do you want it? Chest or head?”

“The First Order is on its way,” Finn ignored the older man. “You all need to leave. Now.”

“We know that,” Poe said. He put a hand on Han’s blaster and applied a gentle pressure, encouraging the older man to hold his fire for now. “Why did you come back here, Finn?”

“To warn you.”

Snap scoffed but there was confusion in his voice. “So you call your friends and then come to warn us about it? What’s the point of that?”

“Listen,” Finn sounded irritated now. There was an uncharacteristic passion in his voice and the urgency took Poe by surprise. “You need to leave immediately. Kylo Ren will be here and he won’t be in the mood to take prisoners.”

Han’s arm went slack abruptly. There was introspective touch to his features as he repeated the name under his breath. As quickly as he had lost it, the pilot regained his composure and eyed the young man with suspicion. The blaster found its way back in Finn’s direction. “Why would he be coming to take down a minor Resistance installation? A couple of TIE fighters can handle that.”

Poe stepped forward, alarmed as he realized there was something larger at play. “Where’s Rey, Finn?” 

At the mention of the young woman, Finn sucked his teeth in frustration. “I’ve done my part in warning you. If you don’t want to listen, it’s your life to lose. I don’t have time to —”

The first blasts rocked the _Falcon_ and everyone on board. Finn cursed under his breath and ran down the gangplank with Poe on his heel. 

As Poe turned to follow, it wasn’t the voice of a smuggler that bellowed. It was a former Rebellion general who’d never lost his step: “Chewie, man the blasters! You two, go warn the others to take cover!”

Finn was running with purpose, towards something...or _someone_ . Where _was_ Rey? There was no way the young man would have just left her. “Damnit, Finn, where are you going?” Poe shouted over the blasts in the distance. 

Finn glanced back at the pilot before finally halting. “Dameron, stay here. It’s not safe for you to go where I am going.”

“What are you talking about, Finn?” he exclaimed, confused and tired. “Do you not see those TIE fighters? It’s not safe for any of us! We need to take cover until the X-Wings arrive.” 

Finn battled against himself and Poe was now too familiar with the twist of conflict on the younger man’s face. “You wouldn’t understand. Rey’s...Rey has abilities. Rare abilities that she doesn’t know how to use yet. I need to find her now.”

Poe recalled his conversation with Han and Maz. “You’re talking about the Force, right?” 

Finn nodded. “Yes, there’s been an awakening in her. There are many who are sensitive to the Force — that old pirate woman is one of them — but few who are strong in it. When Rey’s connection to the Force was solidified, all Force users felt the disturbance, including the Supreme Leader and Kylo Ren.”

“That’s why Kylo Ren is coming here? He’s going to try to...what? Recruit Rey?”

“Yes,” the young man replied, a touch of sadness in the response. “Rey has a strong will but she’s untrained. I don’t want to gamble on her being able to resist both Kylo and the Supreme Leader.”

In that moment, something clicked in Poe’s head. What had he said before to Leia? _I’ve spoken to Intelligence and combed over the personnel list we have for the Finalizer a hundred times. There’s no one else on that list other than Hux who could offer the kind of protection_...no one except Kylo Ren himself. 

There was another blast, this time closer to the pair, and Finn used the distraction to escape into the brush. Overhead, Poe could see the first X-Wing appear and he watched as several more shot through the sky. The noise intensified, the sound of the first ship — he didn’t know if it was theirs or the other guy’s — going down echoing through the forest. 

Poe laughed softly under his breath, disbelieving. So this was the ‘good man’ Finn was talking about on Jakku. The growing chaos around him forced Poe to keep moving and he followed the path that Finn took forward. _Kylo Ren_ . At once, Poe seemed to be suffering from sensory overload and he began to feel nauseous. _Kylo Ren._ He couldn’t comprehend it. Could someone like him even feel affection? Hux, as evil as he was, was still human but Kylo Ren was a creature behind a mask, a dark entity that wielded an inhuman power. 

How did Finn know Kylo Ren? How could someone like Finn, some so good even if he pretends not to be, be in love with a monster? There were a million questions swirling around the pilot’s mind and he couldn’t answer a single one. He didn’t know where to begin. 

Poe entered a clearing to find Finn standing unnaturally still, watching something in the distance. The pilot approached slowly, leaves crunching loudly beneath his feet, but the younger man didn’t react. His eyes were fixed on something in the distance and the pilot’s eyes grew large as he took in the sight: Kylo Ren, tall and clothed entirely in black, flanked by two stormtroopers. In his arms, he carried an unconscious Rey. 

“Finn,” Poe whispered, an urgency in his voice. “We have to do something.”

Finn didn’t react or respond. Poe figured there were probably a dozen more stormtroopers on the ship. He and Finn wouldn’t be enough to take them all on by themselves and likely the younger man knew it as well. Still, Poe couldn’t help but wonder if Finn _could_ do something. After all he was Kylo Ren’s...

“No,” Finn finally said, a whisper carried away by the breeze that rolled across the clearing. “It’s too dangerous. Rey could be hurt.”

As the door to Kylo Ren’s ship closed, Poe’s face twisted in concern and cursed at their inability to do anything as the ship took off. “Finn, you and Kylo Ren, uh, is he the one —”

“It's none of your concern and it’s none of your business. Besides, I told you that I was a prisoner of war," the younger man's vexation was clear in his tone. "I never lied to you. Don't try to turn this on me because you've been living in some fantasy land. I know how you think of me, Dameron, and I've told you a dozen times already that you're a fool to think I will ever care about the Resistance. Now you know why."

“Finn, this whole thing looks a lot different if you're Kylo Ren’s, uh, if you’re his…”

“Lover?” Finn laughed contemptuously. “Are you a youngling? Can you not say the word?”

“Fine, if you’re his _lover_ ,” Poe spat it back at him. There was a twist in his gut as he did, and Poe can’t help but wonder again what a guy like Finn and a guy like Kylo Ren have in common. “Why didn’t you do something? Why didn’t you save Rey?”

Finn stared at Poe in anger now. “I would have, if the circumstances were different.”

“What circumstances, Finn,” The pilot took a step forward, ready for the mounting confrontation. “If he didn’t take Rey and just came up to say ‘hello’?”

“No, Dameron,” Finn matched his step. It was the first time Poe had seen Finn genuinely upset and _kriff_ , if being sullen didn’t look good on the younger man, this sure as hell didn’t suit him at all. “If I hadn’t _saved you._ If I had just let those stormtroopers kill you on the _Finalizer_ , Rey wouldn’t even be in this situation!”

Poe retreated from his own anger to allow his confusion to come through. It was a little question, spoken in just a whisper: “What?”

Finn sighed out in frustration. His jaw was tense but his face betrayed him. He’d said too much. 

"So you did have a plan to save me then, Finn?" the pilot took another step forward, this time gently as if not to scare the younger man off. He spoke softly and cautiously, trying to coax a confession out of Finn. "Even before we left the Finalizer...you had a plan to save me, didn't you?"

Finn scowled and for a moment, it really looked like he hated the pilot; as if he blamed him for some great tragedy. It was a punch to Poe's gut and he almost wishes Finn would just hit him. It'd be less painful. 

The younger man ignored Poe's statement. Instead, he opted turn around, toward the temporary Resistance installation, and walk forward with heavy, mournful steps. “We have to go tell General Organa and the others about this. Kylo will take Rey to Starkiller and the Supreme Leader. We've wasted enough time as it is.”


	10. Chapter 10

Finn and Poe walked back to the temporary installation in silence. There were no more blasts in the distance, no more ships in the sky. Instead, plumes of smoke rose up in the horizon, carried away from them by a gentle breeze. They hadn’t seen battle but Poe felt shell-shocked nonetheless. Kylo Ren had taken Rey and Poe recalled the swirl of emotions -- horror, regret, sadness -- on the younger man’s face as they witnessed the knight take her aboard his starcruiser. He’d accused Finn of not caring. 

“I’m sorry,” Poe blurted. They had walked in silence since Finn's dismissal of him but Poe's never been able to deal with anyone being mad at him (anyone who wasn't a baddie, that is). “For what I said back there. It was uncalled for.”

Finn shifted to address the pilot. He appraised Poe’s features for a moment before giving a curt nod and returning his attention in front of him. 

“Is that an ‘apology accepted’ or should I start grovelling?”

“Don’t be so pathetic,” Finn replied without looking at the older man. He waited a moment before finishing: “You wanted to protect Rey. Your anger was justified.”

“Wait, is this some kind of dream?” Poe allowed his face to brighten. “That almost sounded like a compliment. Yup, this must be a dream because that was _definitely_ was a compliment.”

“I only said your anger was justified. _What_ you said is another issue.”

“So you are still mad?” 

“You’re really like a child, aren’t you?” Finn frowned. “In your outburst, you implied I let Rey be taken when it was clear we were out-manned and out-gunned. Do I need to remind you that Kylo Ren is a powerful Force user? He already had Rey. If you had been thinking for even one second, you would have seen that. Instead, you were too preoccupied with my relationship with Kylo Ren and ran your mouth.”

Poe swallowed the saliva that had gradually built throughout the reprimand. “I --”

“I understand. You apologize,” Finn cut him off. “And now you’re contrite because you’ve _finally_ thought it through.”

“Okay, yes,” Poe replied after a moment. “I was so caught up in you and Kylo Ren that I said something stupid in the moment. But Finn, believe me, it’s not what I feel. I think you’re a good man. You _are_ a good man -- I’ve always thought that.”

“I know, Dameron, but at that moment, you believed what you said.”

He had and Poe didn’t know if it was shock or plain old fashion jealousy that made him believe it. “But why did you lie though, Finn?” Poe halted now and gently grabbed the other man’s arm when it was clear he wouldn’t join him. “Why did you lie about saving me?”

Finn glanced at the hand that gripped him and then at the pilot’s face. He pulled away roughly, face twisted in pensive conflict, and continued toward their destination. “Because it was the right thing to do,” he finally responded. 

The words echoed in Poe’s head. Finn talked about doing the right thing before, hadn’t he? He observed Finn again out of the corner of his eye. Even now, Poe could tell his mind was working on what he would do next. He couldn’t for the life of him figure out exactly what Finn constitutes as a good idea. His self-admitted loyalties were to Kylo Ren. That’s what he’d said over and over, on Jakku and on D’Qar. But Finn never seemed happy when it came to the knight - his face was always like it was now, forlorn and strained, unhappy and powerless. If Finn was loyal to Kylo Ren the way he claimed, then wouldn’t he have been happy to deliver Rey to him? Instead, he seemed defeated and disappointed. 

Why had he helped him? Okay, he said it was the right thing to do. _Of course_ , Poe agreed with that (he didn’t want to die on that ship either) but why did Finn think so? Kylo Ren had come when they escaped, right there, just as they were about to get away. It was hard to gauge his reaction with the whole mask situation but if Finn was helping him escape...if Finn helped him escape, there’s no way Kylo Ren knew. He came there at the last second, as if he’d been taken by surprise. 

Finn had left Kylo Ren.

“You needed a pilot,” Poe whispered in realization.

Finn clenched his fists tightly. “Listen closely, Dameron, because I’m only going to say this once,” he replied pointedly. “I’m not the good guy you think I am. I had my own motivations then and I have my own goals now. They just happen, at this moment, to align with yours. That’s it.”

“You needed a pilot,” he said again, this time more solid. He was going to get him to admit it. 

Finn exhaled through his nostrils. “Fine, I needed a pilot,” he conceded. A small clamoring could be heard just ahead of them and Poe heard Rose’s laughter just as the other man whispered his addendum: “You’re going to disappoint yourself if you read anymore into this. What I want is fundamentally different than what you or anyone in the Resistance wants.”

Poe chewed at his lower lip. He’s bad at the nebulous, cryptic stuff. Bad at connecting the dots. Probably rushes headfirst into things that he shouldn’t but he could read between the lines just fine when it came to matters of the heart. Finn’s still hung up on the guy and that’s something to do with his goal. But Poe’s never been good at logic puzzles and Finn’s the most complex puzzle he’s ever met. _Why did you leave him then, Finn?_ Poe wanted to ask the question but he knew he’s already exhausted Finn’s tolerance at this point. 

A few pushes through the same flora he’d ran through to follow Finn revealed the small clearing that the temporary installation had set itself up in. Rose, Snap, and the small team he’d assembled (a two techs, a comms officer and one of the best shots in the Resistance) salvaging equipment that has clearly been shaken by the explosion that went off nearby. The place looked like it’d been hastily packed then abandoned and now they were picking up the pieces.

“Rose!” Poe exclaimed as they approached the installation. He ran towards the maintenance worker and embraced her. “Are you okay?”

The young woman beamed. “Decided to come back when there’s no more action, eh, Dameron? Not like you at all.”

“I got tied up in something. Besides, I didn’t have anything to pilot anyways,” he looked around and noticed the area, despite being a mess, was largely unaffected by the onslaught. His face was serious now as the sound of the downed ship echoed through his mind. “Did we lose anyone?”

Before Rose could respond, a voice came from behind Rose: “It may come as a shock to you, Commander, but we can get through at least _one_ battle without you.”

_Leia._

_“_ Actually, they may do better without you.”

The pilot grinned as he looked up to take in the full view of the older woman. “They’re damn good pilots, but let’s not go overboard.”

She gave the pilot a smile in response before she turned her attention to Finn. The expression quickly disappeared as she stopped in front of him, toe-to-toe. Her countenance adopted a hardened edge and while the young man towered over physically, her presence made up for the difference. 

The next moment was a blur for Poe as Leia’s hand moved through the air like a crack of lightning. The harsh noise of the contact invoked a protective response in the pilot but he wasn’t sure who it was that needed protection. 

Finn shared a quick moment with the older woman before closing his eyes and breathing his displeasure in deeply. His hand reached to cover the now burned spot on his cheek. “Have you gotten it out of your system?”

“Of course, you knew that was coming, didn’t you?” the older woman replied, seemingly satisfied. She examined the face of the younger man, his eyes still shut with displeasure as he tried to control himself. If she wasn’t trying to make a point, she’d have smirked. _And she’d try to give him a lesson on control, hadn’t she?_ “I suppose I should congratulate you. I shouldn’t have underestimated Kylo Ren’s apprentice.”

“I’m not his apprentice,” he clarified. The younger man obliged the older woman’s roaming gaze and opened his eyes. He found that the general’s eyes had a softness to them despite the hardness in her voice. _He has his mother’s eyes._ “I have no interest in the Force. It’s merely a burden I bear like those before me.”

Another voice, this time masculine, interrupted before Leia had a chance to speak. “That may be true, but you don’t just learn to do a mind trick overnight.”

The words flowed through the air and Finn tensed as an energy wrapped itself around him like a constricting vine. It was a powerful Force user, that much Finn could figure out. But the young man also knew the number of Force users in the galaxy could be counted on one hand. 

There was the General, who stood in front of him, adept but not powerful enough for this level of command. It could hardly be the Supreme Leader or Rey, who was currently half-way to Starkiller with the only other remaining Force user besides himself. _Unless…!_

“Luke Skywalker,” Finn announced, unable to move despite his struggle against his bounds. There were two other footsteps along with Luke’s but Finn kept his attention focused on the Jedi Master. “I never thought I would have the pleasure.”

Poe and the crew stood stunned, mouths slightly agape. They’ve heard a great deal about Luke Skywalker, the hero of the Rebellion, the last remaining Jedi Master. He was a legend, so often whispered about and revered, that they forget he was still living. His attentions were focused on Finn, and he gave the younger man a once over once he passed fully into his line of sight. 

Leia acknowledged her brother with a nod, and moved to allow the Jedi room to examine Finn with closer scrutiny. Out of the corner of his eye, the young man logged the source of the other footsteps, the Wookie and Han Solo. Leia gave a quick nod to Poe and the crew and they understood immediately. It was time to get the hell out of there. The younger pilot shot one final glance at Finn then again at the older Jedi. It was clear who was in control as he ushered the last of the tech towards the _Falcon_.

“It’s nice to meet you, Finn. Leia’s said a great deal about you.”

“All good, I hope.”

“Bits and pieces,” the knight replied with mirth. “I’ve seen many Force users in my time but I’ve seen few who train to conceal their strength as you do. I doubt even Kylo Ren knows the true extent of what you keep hidden.”

There was a growing concern in the back of Finn’s mind. Luke Skywalker was powerful in the Force. He was able to hold him in place without trying, as if it were child’s play. The casual amusement in the older Jedi’s face only confirmed it. This was nothing to him. _Kriff!_ If Kylo were to face him, it wouldn’t be a fight; it would be a massacre and the Supreme Leader must know this. Then why did Snoke stoke the fire of hate against Luke Skywalker? Finn knew, he knew exactly why and he wanted to curse aloud because of it. He couldn’t, not just now, and he used the last remaining bit of control he had to shield his emotions from the growing group of Force users.

“I have no interest in the Cults of the Sith or your Church of the Force,” Finn spat. “I’ve seen and studied what the reckless pursuit of power through the Force can do and I want no part of it.”

Luke hummed an acknowledgement. His expression seemed almost ancient. “You’ll get no disagreement from me.”

“Really? Then why did you try to resurrect the Jedi Order? Why couldn’t you leave it to die?” Finn locked eyes with the older man. “Why tempt the Sith to return by disrupting the balance of the Force?”

“You know a lot, Finn, but you don’t know as much as you think,” the older man replied, returning the stare. There was a supreme knowledge in his features, a wisdom contrasted by regret. “The Sith will always try to rise from the ashes. The Empire, the Sith, things like them never truly die. They fall, momentarily; they scurry to the darkest recesses of the galaxy to gain strength and lick their wounds. They’re patient, calculating, methodical. They’ll wait and plan until they’re strong enough to attack. And when they attack, Finn, who will be there to face them?”

With words failing him, Finn reached out through the Force, a language without words that they both understood, unencumbered by their human understanding of the universe. It was Luke who controlled the exchange and the Jedi shared with him what he’d seen through the years: the Jedi and Sith temples that lie in ruin, fallen comrades, slain enemies, then a burning Jedi temple. A lone figure drenched in the rain, lightsaber active, hot and bloodied. Finn bit his cheek hard enough to draw blood and brought himself back to reality. He’d shown Finn everything except what he truly wanted to see. 

“Why did you do it?” Finn questioned as the exchange ended. “He trusted you, respected you. How could you even think to do it?”

Luke didn’t respond. His mind seemed to absorb the question and Finn knew that even after years of isolation and meditation, that the Jedi still hadn’t come up with an answer that satisfied him. It was only after a moment that Han’s voice broke the silence. “Luke, what the hell is this kid going on about?”

Finn’s voice was solemn. “Why don’t you tell him, Skywalker? Then we’ll all be on the same page.”

Han registered the tone and saw the hard lines on his wife’s face. Something wasn’t right. “Luke, what --”

“The night he left, Luke had tried to kill Ben,” Leia interrupted, a heaviness in her voice. “I would have told you when I found out, Han, but right now isn’t the time to live in the past.” 

The older pilot exchanged glances with his wife then with his brother-in-law, waiting for one of them to actually clarify what was going on. Because there is no way Luke would do that without a good reason. There is no way Leia would just stand there with a look of defeat on her face and just accept it. She should be as furious as him right now. He’s pissed and the kid seemed to be the only one that got the memo that everyone should be. 

“What the hell do you mean he tried to kill Ben?” Han bellowed as the weight of the statement sunk in. He looked towards Luke, a fierceness to his gaze, and threw his weight forward in an attempt to lunge at him. “You were supposed to be training him! You were supposed to protect him!”

Sensing danger, Chewie quickly moved to hold the older pilot back before he could charge the Jedi Master. The Wookie roared loudly, a mournful noise that doubled as a warning: _You’ve only got a blaster, he’s got the lifeblood of the universe, Han._

“Ben had that mighty Skywalker blood, with its dark vein running deep through him. In my hubris, I thought I could train it out of him. That night, I saw that Snoke had already turned his heart and it was beyond anything I’d ever imagined,” The Jedi glanced at the man, his expression still one of irritation and rage. Luke didn’t need the Force to know that the Wookie’s hand on the pilot’s shoulder was the only thing keeping him calm. His eyes then flickered to his sister and shame washed over his features. “In a moment of pure instinct, I thought I could stop it. It passed like a fleeting shadow and I was left with shame. You two trusted me with your son. Trusted me to guide him towards the Light, and I failed. I failed him, Leia, not only as a teacher but as his uncle and guardian.”

“As I said, there is no point in living in the past, Luke,” the older woman replied weary. “We all sensed Snoke’s influence. I felt it grow everyday. I think I just wanted to convince myself that you’d be able to reach him before Snoke did.”

Han let out a calming breath and acknowledged his friend by meeting his eye. The Wookie nodded to him, reassuring him he felt the same frustration. Han had no family outside the small, fragmented one he’d built himself. The Wookie was like a brother to him, although they’d never get sappy enough to say it outloud. He was the only other uncle Ben had in the galaxy. His grief when he heard what had happened was just as overwhelming. 

Now, the initial shock had worn off though. The anger toward Luke had passed swiftly and now the pilot was only angry at himself. Angry because he’d lied to himself for a long time. He let himself believe that he’d only agreed to send his son away to understand the Force and the power of his bloodline. _What a load of crap_ , Han thought to himself. 

Even as a kid, Ben had his issues. That’s why Leia wanted to send him away to Luke in the first place. The pilot refused her initially but Leia had always been able to feel Snoke’s growing influence on Ben, even before he was born. Eventually, he acquiesced but Han wondered if they’d tried hard enough in the first place. Between Leia’s job as a diplomat and his smuggling, they hadn’t had a lot of time to tend to Ben the way he needed. He’d tried to take Ben with him on a few of the safer runs and hell, he was a bright kid. Even wanted to be a pilot like his old man but he was sensitive. He didn’t know how to control his powers. They were so normal to him that he’d let objects float through the air to the terror of those around him. They’d looked at him like he was a freak and Han would only tell Ben to knock it off. 

He could have explained to him what his powers were. They could have encouraged it rather than ignored the strength that grew each day. They could have stopped everything and focused on him; they saw the evil grow within their son. He and Leia could have done _more_ but what the solution that they’d come up with instead? They shipped him off to Luke and hoped he would sort Ben out for them. 

Luke should be furious at them; they’d made him shoulder the burden and the consequence of something that was their fault. Maybe the kid had a point. All this Force crap has been nothing but trouble for the last 30 years and now it’s taken his son from right under his nose. 

Finn stared at the older pilot, whose thoughts seemed to project right into his mind. He wished he hadn’t heard any of it. It was far more simple to cast them all as the villains who had given Kylo up for the slaughter, the ones who had isolated him and driven him to the dark side. It came as little shock to him that the Supreme Leader had been grooming Kylo since childhood; it was only that Finn had hoped that Snoke’s influence didn’t run so deeply. 

He’d hoped, even when it prickled at the back of his mind, that the flawed humans before him had pushed Kylo to become what he was now. Now, he knows it was inevitable. They blamed themselves but there was nothing they could have done to stop it. Just as the Supreme Leader is manipulating the knight now, he did so all those years ago and briefly, Finn wondered about the vision that Skywalker had seen. He was sure that was the Supreme Leader’s handiwork as well. 

Fury and regret coursed through Finn’s veins. He’d been so headstrong, so adamant in his support of Kylo’s beliefs of what happened, he hadn’t thought clearly. Snoke’s deception and influence had not only warped Kylo’s mind, it’d warped his own. 

Leia sighed as she observed the faces of the four figures. Four dejected tough guys feeling sorry for themselves and she was the one that had to reel them in. General, mother, wife, sister and now ego-soother. Did she have to do everything around here? “We have bigger problems to worry about now. Han and Luke saw what happened to Rey.”

She walked back towards the _Falcon_ but stopped and cleared her throat, tossing a glance back at the still motionless men. “May I remind you all that we have a mission to complete?” She whirled her pointer finger in the air in a tiny circle, like she’d seen Poe do once before in mocking jest, and smirked. “Galaxy won’t save itself, gentlemen.”

* * *

Poe shifted his weight from one foot to the other in anxiousness. When they’d left, the atmosphere was pretty heavy. Finn looked pissed, Leia looked pissed, and the rest of the family, including the Wookie, looked pissed. Luke _kriffing_ Skywalker though. Finn’s got the Force, so maybe that’s why they’d had to clear out. That deathly look in Leia’s eye kept Poe’s mouth shut otherwise his own curiosity would have gotten the better of him. 

He didn’t hear anything - no trees falling, no screams, no shouting. The _Falcon_ was nearby but out of earshot and Poe had peered down the gangplank once to get a nonchalant (as nonchalant as he could look trying to obviously eavesdrop) look at the group. Something had really pissed off Han Solo, who was clearly being held back by his co-pilot, and Poe decided that was enough spy activity for the day. Mainly because it seemed like the older pilot and Finn were both mad at Luke Skywalker for something and Poe didn’t have the mental capacity to even begin to try to understand what Han Solo and Finn had in common to be angry about. 

The group of five arrived back onto the Falcon with a chilly atmosphere hanging over them although Leia seemed in her usual spirits. Poe gave her a nod that let her know all was good aboard the ship but he couldn’t help but wonder what was eating the rest of them. Han and Finn still seem to be in solidarity if their expressions were anything to go by but now Chewie and Luke had joined in. Poe had never felt more out of the loop in his life. 

“Things look good here,” Leia nodded approvingly, turning to address the crew who had finished repairing and prepping the _Falcon_ , lightly damaged from combat, for takeoff. It’d been a while since she’d been in the _Falcon_ and it brought back some good memories. She pushed the thought out of her mind; she’d have time to dwell on them later. “Any answer? she asked the comm officer. 

“Yes, ma’am, Admirals Statura and Ackbar ready on subspace relay.”

Leia nodded and the image of her co-leaders flickered as harsh blue holograms. She allowed for a small exchange of greetings before she explained the situation. “As you may know, Rey, who we’ve all grown quite close to in our short time together, has been taken by Kylo Ren,” she stole a furtive glance at Finn, who leaned against a wall in the corner with his arms crossed. Luke, Han and Chewie all wore the same frowns. _Children, the lot of them._ “We’ve been informed she’s being taken to Starkiller Base.”

“That’s the weapon you were speaking of, wasn’t it, Leia?” Luke’s expression cleared up as he turned to his sister with newfound interest. “Do you know how to break through the planetary shield?”

“We have the scan data from our recon mission. The base is surrounded by a strong magnetic field...” Statura answered, his voice full of static as he explained their findings and analysis.

Finn scowled as he spoke. “Even if you could bypass the shield, the weapon is…” The young man trailed off, an idea blooming on his face. “ _Wait_...the planetary magnetic field wasn’t enough to contain the amount of energy that the weapon required, so Hux had a thermal oscillator built into the planet. It allowed the installation to expend less energy but the trade-off was that it had to penetrate the planet's containment field," The gears in his head turned rapidly as he remembered the layout of the base and it's engineering. Maybe Hux wasn't so bright after all. "That means if we could destroy the containment field oscillator the moment before the weapon fires, the accumulated energy would be released throughout the planetary core instead of through firing cylinder.”

“The surface would collapse into the core!” Rose concluded, suddenly electrified. 

Poe beamed and stared at Finn with a mix of admiration and affinity. “So we disable the shields, we take out the oscillator, and we blow up their big gun?”

“Yes,” Finn replied with mounting excitement at the design flaw. “We'd need to deployed a ground team to disable the shield generators, but then the containment oscillator would be vulnerable. We'd just need to distract the TIE fighters guarding the base long enough to get feet on the ground.”

Poe grabbed the younger man’s arm, sharing in his exhilaration. Finn met the pilot’s eyes and, forgetting himself in that moment, allowed himself to smile. The younger man’s eyes bunched together, accented by small crinkles, as the corners of his mouth pushed upward to reveal the long laugh lines that encapsulated his face. The pilot’s heart began to beat a little faster as he took in the foreign expression. Joy was a beautiful expression on Finn and Poe wished it would last forever. 

“You all make it sound so simple,” Leia let a small smirk come through as she watched the pilot watch the younger man even as the latter’s attention shifted to her. She addressed the two holograms, "Were you two able to catch all that? We'll need a squadron of X-Wings ready with the plans." Her colleagues nodded before she turned her attention to the small crew abroad the Falcon, "We'll all need to head back to D'Qar. This is looking a lot bigger than we anticipated and we need everyone at their stations to prep for this. I'll head back in my transport; Poe, you travel back with your crew. Finn,” she turned to the younger man, his face still soft but without it's previous joy, "There are enough people here as it is. You'll make the trip back with Luke and I in the transporter."

Poe smiled up at Finn, eye-lidded and affectionate, as he squeezed his arm. Excitement still coursed through Poe's body as something bloomed deep within him. It felt good working with Finn; it felt natural. Now, he was working with them, had just helped them make a major breakthrough. Poe's happiness was short-lived. Like a chilling breeze, the younger man noticed the intimacy for the first time and his eyes drifted to the touch. His smile dropped instantly; he’d lost control of himself. Finn gently pulled his arm out of the pilot’s grip to walk with Luke towards the _Falcon_ 's gangway without a word.

Poe sighed and chuckled softly. _It was good while it lasted_ , he thought wistfully.

* * *

Finn was careful to stay two steps behind the Jedi, a vain attempt to convince himself he would have the upper hand if Skywalker decided to attack. He couldn't read the older man's emotions; they were too shielded and what was exposed was obscure and vague. _He wouldn't attack._ The Jedi was aware of his strength and the discrepancy between their power levels. It was only foolish pride that wouldn't let Finn accept that his fate would be death if Skywalker decided to suddenly disavow the Jedi teaching. Perhaps that's why Skywalker had restrained him --

“Yes, actually, Han told me how you'd greeted him back on D'Qar,” Luke said abruptly. Again, there was a touch of casual amusement in his tone. “I thought I wouldn't take any chances.” 

“Do you like to read other people's thoughts without their permission?” 

“Only when they're so open,” he replied with an acknowledging side-nod. "For someone with your level of self-control, that pilot must have really distracted you to let your guard down. Although, it's a pleasure to know you think so highly of me.” 

“I thought Han Solo was supposed to be the arrogant one in the family.” 

“He only married into the family. I'm the homegrown variety,” Luke's lips tugged upward. One day, Luke hoped, he could laugh at how similar the young man was to his sister. In a small way, he was glad he'd never known his own mother; what would he have done if he'd kissed his sister then managed to find a lover that seemed to have the same personality as his mother? There had to be a word for _that_. Oh, well, the Force is about balance, isn't it? Ben doesn't have a sister, after all. "Anyway, it's not only the pilot that's bothering you, is it, Finn? You’re worried for him, aren’t you?” 

Finn's eyes fluttered shut and he took a deep breath before opening them again. He'd have to face Kylo soon and reveal the truth that he hadn't died. If the betrayal of helping Poe escape had stung the knight, then the deception of his death would only drive him over the edge. He doesn't know what he was thinking when he'd set out to do this. “You were frightened at the depth of Snoke’s corruption seven years ago and it’s only grown since then.”

“Finn,” the Jedi replied, somber. It spoke all it needed to say but he continued regardless. “I can only hope to reach him but if I can’t, I will do what I should have done instead of running.”

“No, Skywalker, if you face him, he won’t be able to think through the hate and anger. You’ll be forced to kill him,” Finn’s mouth drew itself into a line. As the clouds shifted, sunlight reflected off the younger man’s eyes. “I believe you can and will kill him if you have the chance.”

“I’ll do what must be done,” the Jedi answered. There was no cryptic meaning; it was clear what the Jedi meant to do. “It’s not what Leia and Han or you want but I won’t hesitate if I can't reach him.”

Just then, Finn's steps felt a bit heavier and the lightsaber still tucked away in his band was like a load of durasteel. Finn swallowed as he stopped, the transporter in full view before them. Luke noticed and shifted to watch Finn's next move. “Here," he held out the lightsaber to its owner. "I will face Kylo but I won't need this.”

Luke eyed the item in front of him. The question of where Finn had gotten it lingered but in the end, it didn’t matter. “Keep it. You may need it.”

Finn’s brow furrowed in annoyance. He can’t seem to get rid of this thing. He held it out again with more force, “I won’t use it and I won't deliver it to him.”

“It would only be right for you to face him with that lightsaber,” Luke replied, that same all-knowing, ancient expression on his face. “There is a reason it’s been discovered now, after all these years.”

A cooling breeze, deceptively bright and lofty, blew against them. The Jedi's robes drifted with the wind like tranquil waves, almost buoyed with the Force itself, and Finn stared down at the unactivated blade clutched tightly in his hand. _He can't seem to get rid of this thing._

“Rey had a vision when she touched it,” he explained and suddenly, he felt a heavy weight on his shoulders. It was the Force, the same Force that seemed to uplift the Jedi, that bore down on him. “At the end, she stared at me and looked terrified of what she saw, of me. She was scared.”

A silence fell over the pair. Soon, the sound of the transporter's engines warming up permeated through the space. 

“I see,” the Jedi eyed the younger man. “It’s time for you to finally face what you have been running from, Finn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The assumption in this fic (based on the movies and books) is that Poe doesn't know Kylo Ren is Ben Solo and that like everyone else, he assumes that Ben died at Luke's temple. It also just makes it easier narrative-wise for me as well (lol?) :^) Also a longer chapter, I considered breaking it up into two but it felt better as a longer one!


	11. Chapter 11

The base was a flurry of activity that seemed to exclude him. 

Poe had tried to tinker with Black One but Rose promptly shooed him out of her hangar. He could check it over when her crew was through with it. Then he tried to help Snap then Jess then Iolo then...then Poe got the message. He’d been doing too much lately and needed a psych evaluation from Kalonia to get cleared for the Stakiller mission. He felt fine, and even Luke Skywalker said the pilot's mind was sound, but Leia had shaken her head. Even if all the stuff with Kylo Ren hadn’t wrecked his mind, then it Leia must be worried about all the stuff he'd been doing before and after that. He could protest as much as he wanted but when General Organa grounds you, you're grounded and excommunicated from the hangar. 

So, that left Poe with a lot of time and little to do. At first, he thought it wouldn't be so bad because coincidentally, the only other person who wasn’t all hands-on-deck was Finn. Naturally, Poe didn’t mind this little happenstance but the younger man clearly planned to spend every waking moment before the Starkiller strike brooding and meditating (in no particular order). Any attempt at trying to communicate with Finn resulted in the pilot learning something new about the Force. There were a few times that Poe could get close to the meditating young man with the protection of Luke Skywalker but the Jedi wasn't exactly a well-liked presence either. He also had better things to do than chaperone Poe and BB-8's attempts to chat with Finn.

After about three days, the idea came to him during one particularly restless nap. The pilot had considered asking Finn for a sparring session before -- Force knows they both need the needed the stimulation -- and suddenly, it seemed right to ask. After all, there was nothing else left for him to _say_ to Finn and he found that fighting was usually the best way for people like them -- guys with lots of emotions but little sense -- to bond. 

Besides, it’s been obvious since day one that Finn was eager to take a few jabs at him and --

“Woah!” 

Poe curved his spine, narrowly dodging a jab at his left flank. He was sweating and even though he wasn’t quite sure how old Finn was, he was _definitely_ younger than him and it _showed._ The pilot didn’t know how much longer he could hold the younger man off as Finn responded quickly by taking a half-step forward. Before Poe could recover his balance, Finn’s left knee shot upward to make contact with the pilot’s stomach. The older man curled in slightly, years of well-worn instinct heightened with danger, and only narrowly avoided the incoming fist that threatened to make contact with his lower jaw with a quick spin on his heel. 

“I’m not too bad, huh?” Poe breathed out as he danced around the younger man. As usual, he tried to bluff his way out of having to go back in for a hit. Out of giving _Finn_ another opportunity to get a hit in on _him_. Again. He stretched his neck from side-to-side and prayed that Finn didn’t hear how loudly _something_ in his neck cracked just then. “Feel like giving up? Because I could go all day --”

With two hard steps, Finn closed the distance as if to oblige the pilot's last taunt. A heavy punch flew through the air and grazed Poe’s chest. _Kriff_ , it almost felt like Finn _wanted_ to hurt him. Granted, maybe Poe’d given him a few reasons to want to punch him but when they’d decided to have this sparring session, Poe was sure they’d tacitly agreed no one was supposed to _actually_ get hurt. 

If he had to go back, he wouldn’t have agreed to do this again for all the credits in the universe. That delicacy and grace that Finn seemed to exude was only a camouflage. It'd been clear from the very beginning that Finn had been trained in combat somewhere. The way he moved signaled as much, but Poe had also seen the physical evidence as Finn was changing.

Taut muscle hardened from some rigorous routine -- a routine that would probably kill Poe if he tried to replicate it -- with faded scars that ranged from beige to a deep brown color that tried but failed to mimic the unblemished skin around it. There was one large scar across Finn's side and Poe desperately wanted to reach out and touch it -- and _great_ , now his face is overheated from exertion _and_ the memory. 

Poe’s only saving grace seemed to be that Finn was just as out of practice as he was. The pilot would file that little observation away to think about later when he didn’t need to think about ducking, spinning, dodging, retreating, and now regaining his balance. Would it still count as letting Finn win if he takes a fall now? Because it had already been around half a standard hour of jabs, punches, dodges, flails and kicks...and there was no sign of it ending.

To make matters worse, Poe couldn’t seem to keep his mind focused as he watched the soft curves of Finn’s muscles as they contracted with each deadly movement. They’d received a new set of clothes once they had arrived back on D’Qar which included the sparring top that revealed Finn’s arms in all their splendor. He almost thinks the guys in Laundry did it on purpose.

Poe floated in Finn’s peripheries and the younger man was watching him carefully, matching his movements. The top they’d given Finn was tight; suitable for athletics and unfortunately, left little to the imagination (being honest, he’s not complaining but it just isn’t helping his concentration right now). The overhead lights created a shadow that seemed to heighten the faint outline of the other man’s pecs, the small peaks of his nipples peeking through the thin fabric, and briefly, Poe wondered what it would be like to ---

In that moment, Finn sprung towards the pilot, dropped low and swept the pilot’s feet out from under him with a smooth kick. Ah, _kriff_! The pilot fell and landed hard on his back with a hollow grunt. Finn stood over him and looked down through his lashes. “Never take your mind off the battle, Dameron.”

Poe rested his hands on his stomach in defeat and looked up at Finn. The light behind him seemed to form a halo around him. Or maybe the pilot was just seeing stars. Either/or. “Lesson duly learned.”

Finn seemed to contemplate something for a moment. Then, he extended an arm out. “I doubt it.”

Poe blinked quickly for a few seconds, almost sure Finn might be going for another strike. There is no way he was offering a helping hand. Finn seemed annoyed now though, like he’d understood the thought. Poe grinned up at him quickly before taking it and letting the younger man hoist him up. He grunted as he found his balance again. “Where’d you learn to fight like that?”

They walked toward one of the small benches on the perimeter of the make-shift gymnasium. The thought that Finn was even the least bit winded was a minor victory in Poe’s mind because the older man now has sweat chills and without the adrenaline that comes from nearly dying, his legs decided to give out on him the moment they reached the bench. He plopped down unceremoniously. Appearances be damned; for just these next ten minutes, Poe Dameron was going to let himself be old and tired as hell. 

With more grace than the pilot could muster even if he wasn’t in his current state, Finn sat beside him. He handed him a small canteen that rested on the floor to the side of the bench, which Poe accepted eagerly. “The same place people like you learn to fight.”

Poe drank from the small canteen with the answer on his mind. He’d learned in the New Republic Defense Force but that couldn’t be the answer to where Finn learned. For one thing, he had a lot of trouble imagining Finn as a New Republic soldier. And two, his fighting style was completely different. The moves Finn had been using had a technical precision that the Defense Force lacked, an attention to form that always seemed to be muddled in the Republic. The Defense Force cared about, well, about _defending_ yourself but Finn’s form? That was designed to _kill_. Poe’s eyes widened when it came to him. Finn had already told him the answer, hadn't he?: _I was in the First Order...a long time ago._

This is always where it seemed to come back to, Poe thought as he spoke. “You were an Imperial, weren’t you?” 

“There are a lot of people in the First Order who would be proud to be called an Imperial,” Finn swallowed the water from his own canteen. “I am not one of them.”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Poe swallowed. _Watch it, Poe, the atmosphere right now is good. Don't screw this up. “_ I was in the New Republic Navy for a bit and even though we were in planes most of the time, we had mandatory combat training. Bit rusty, as you can see but there are a few moves I did out there,” The pilot imitated it vaguely but poorly. Poe smiled at the skeptical look that Finn gave him. Seeing the younger man's face so casually open -- a light sheen of sweat glistening on his face, breath a little heavier, the canteen suspended half-way to his lips as he gave his attention to Poe -- was a treat. “That I learned that from my dad. All homegrown Dameron technique.”

Finn nodded and returned his attention to his drink. “I see.” 

For the first time, the pilot seemed to have actually worn him down and the older man almost didn't want to lose the moment. His mind scrambled to find something, anything, to talk about. Holos? No, Finn didn't seem like the type to watch _The Many Loves of Abosolo._ He had said he had a passing interest in ships. Poe liked ships, that could work. Poe shook his head slightly. No, he didn't want to get stuck talking technical details of TIE fighters when he only had this kind of opportunity once. _Oh._ The pilot nodded. Just stick to the topic at hand, let it flow naturally. “How about your family then? Any of those moves from them?”

Finn's finger seemed to twitch on the canteen. Oh _no_ , Poe thought. “I never knew my family.”

 _Damnit._ He should have stuck to TIE fighter schematics. How did he manage to botch it this bad? He remembered days when he was much smoother, more collected, less of a space case than he was right now. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” he replied with a shrug. “You can’t miss what you never had.”

“But you can wonder about it,” Poe’s mouth drew back into a compassionate line. “That can be just as bad.”

Finn shifted his head side-long. There was a flicker of annoyance. “So you want me to feel bad about it?”

“No!” Poe straightened up immediately. _Kriff_ , him and his big, trying-to-be-sympathetic mouth. “I’m just saying, you -- I don’t know, I always get the feeling you’re trying to put distance between yourself and how you really feel. It’s okay, you know, to be open. Around me, at least, and there are some assholes around the base but they’re good people.”

“And you’ve developed this in-depth character assessment in just the few weeks you’ve known me?”

“It feels like longer.”

“Are you trying to say every second with me is agonizingly long?” Finn’s face was something neutral now but there was an airiness to his tone and Poe blinked in the softer edges of the younger man’s expression. _Is he bantering with me?_ he thought. “That’s not the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

“ _Kriff_ , that’s not what I meant,” the pilot groaned. He threw his head back too quickly, misjudging the distance between the back of his head and the wall, and hit against it with a muffled thud. The pilot sucked his teeth and exhaled. “You’re really good at twisting my words, you know that? It’s gotta be a Force thing.”

“That’s not how the Force works,” Finn gave him a quizzical look before letting his eyes flutter shut.

He gingerly rested his head on the wall behind them without inflicting any of the pain Poe'd just put himself through. The pilot wet his lips as he observed Finn's face and there was a strange but familiar stirring in the pit of his belly. He hasn't been attracted to someone like this in a long time. Sure, there were casual flings here or there but he usually got to be the one in control. He was the dashing Commander Dameron, making people flustered and nervous with a flash of that patent grin and a little of his roguish charm.

Now, the shoe was on the other foot. The butterflies were in his stomach and his knees were weak from not only the combat but at the thought that if he played his cards right, Finn might _smile_ at him. He felt like he was a child again, almost giddy, and with horror, he realized that he has a crush. Granted, he's learned quite a few more things you can do with a man since he was putting frogs down people's shirts, but a crush still felt so _juvenile_.

But still, Finn's here. Hopefully, to stay. At least, he hoped so. Briefly, Poe wondered if it was a good sign that Finn felt comfortable closing his eyes around him. Poe wouldn't have imagined something like this being possible a week ago and especially not after Takodana. He bit his lower lip and eyed the younger man's set. _He keeps saving my life, doesn't he?_ Finn, who was calm and slick like a lothcat. Maybe this was a good sign. After all, when a lothcat closes its eyes around you, it meant they trusted you. Maybe Finn trusted him.

“Don’t get your hopes up,” Finn muttered under his breath. “I just don't see you as a threat, Dameron.”

Had he said that last part out loud? Poe frowned before quickly slicing a hand through the air, ready to strike Finn's very exposed neck. He stopped just short of his target but even before then the younger man didn’t flinch or even bother to open his eyes. “I could have gotten you,” the pilot said, an assured note in his playfulness. 

Finn opened one eye to stare at the grin then closed it again. Poe might be mistaken but that might be the faint hint of...a smile? Suddenly, Poe felt like a pleased child. This was something new and the pilot liked it. A lot. Finn stretched his neck from side-to-side, slowly, the back of his head sliding along the wall as he did. “No, you wouldn’t have because you never intended to. You’re almost too easy to read. It’s almost sad.”

“No,” Poe drew out the response. “People tell me I’m actually pretty hard to read.”

“They’re obviously lying.”

“Maybe we’re just simpatico?” Poe gave a lop-sided smile, partially embarrassed, and he’s glad Finn can’t see it. “You know, I felt something like an instant connection when I first met you. ”

“When did you begin to feel that connection?” Finn scoffed. He stretched out a leg now and rolled his ankle. “When you barreled into me or when you had the blaster to my head?”

Poe grinned. This was _good_. This was _progress_. Who knew all he had to do was let Finn beat the hell out of him? “Ah, c’mon, buddy, you have to admit as far as bonding goes, escaping the First Order in a stolen TIE fighter is as good as you’re going to get.”

It was as if the gravity on D’Qar had increased and the atmosphere soured immediately. Finn’s leg dropped and the neck stretches ceased. And now the younger man’s fists were clenched tightly on his lap and Poe’s foot was firmly in his own mouth. 

Ah, kriff. He’d forgotten that this was the forbidden topic. Poe debated if he should say something as the silence stretched out. Finn didn’t move and each passing second assured Poe that Finn was never going to answer at all. He’d pushed too hard again and offended the younger man seriously enough that the pleasant conversation was over. 

_Nice job, Dameron, you couldn’t just banter, could you? Millions of things to talk about and you managed to pick the one thing in the universe that Finn didn’t want to touch on._

Poe took a large chunk of his inner cheek between his teeth and bit down. What had he been thinking? Why did he always do this? He couldn't just take Finn at face value, accept the surface Finn offered as all there was to see. That’s what Finn kept asking him to do, wasn’t it? _You’re going to disappoint yourself if you read anymore into this._ That’s what Finn had said. Loud and clear but no, Poe always had to dig, to probe and each time, Finn responded by turning him off completely.

Finn was still; his breathing even and steady. Poe had never seen him meditate but maybe that’s what was happening here. The statement had been heard though and it hung in the air between them. _I needed a pilot._ He needed a pilot. It wasn’t like Poe kidnapped him. No, Finn had come willingly; he’d had a plan, too. Guilt from somewhere he couldn’t identify began to gnaw at him.

Escaping was what Poe was doing but he still didn’t really understand Finn’s reasons and he wondered briefly if he should try and formulate an apology when Finn finally spoke. 

He didn’t realize he was holding his breath until Finn responded. “The last thing I want to hear is another one of your half-baked apologies.”

“So you’re awake.”

“I thought we went over this already.”

“You never really gave me any clear answer on _why_. You seemed to have a sweet set up on that ship. I know it’s like beating a dead orbak, but how does all this business with Kylo Ren fit in with doing what’s right?”

Finn finally opened his eyes and they were dark, almost hollow. He lifted his head off the wall -- the last sign of leisure in the younger man’s position -- and craned his head slowly to observe the pilot’s face. There was something deep and twisted in the way he was looking at him now, almost in disgust, and it sent a chill up Poe’s spine. “Do you recognize the designation FN-2003?”

The pilot felt cold to his bone and he wasn’t sure if it wasn’t something to do with the Force. He sensed he didn’t want to know the answer to the question. “No, I don’t.”

“No, of course you wouldn’t,” Finn’s voice came out strained. “He was my oldest friend, Dameron. Before Kylo, before the Force, before everything I've ever known, there was FN-2003.”

Poe didn’t understand much of what Finn was saying, but what stood out immediately, what he could understand even though Finn hadn’t said it, was the grief. The faces of his own comrades -- people he’d grown up with on Yavin 4, bunked with at the Academy, flew with on countless missions -- and where they’d fallen flashed through his mind. He wasn’t certain it wasn’t Finn’s own grief causing Poe’s memories, even ones that he’d thought he’d buried deep, to resurface so vividly. 

“He wasn’t cut out to be a soldier but he wanted to give everything to the Order. He wanted to be what they wanted him to be. He believed in _their_ propaganda,” There was a note of bitterness and anger now. “So on a strike on Pressy's Tumble, he executed an innocent Abednedo negotiator to prove himself.” 

Poe recognized the name. It was an artificial asteroid field that the First Order had destroyed. They wanted the ore at its core and the people who lived in the system were in the way. Even now the labor conditions of the miners are atrocious. All this didn’t happen long before the pilot had been captured on Jakku, too. Poe fixed his jaw, waiting for the younger man to continue. Finn seemed to know a lot about First Order operations. _I’m not a good man._ The older man swallowed down something. Doubt, that sneaking suspicion that maybe Finn might be trying to tell him the truth. 

The younger man’s eyes were a light years away now. He leaned forward on the bench and clenched his hands together tightly, letting the ball they form hang loosely between his knees. “He couldn’t even blink without seeing that twisted corpse in front of him. But he blamed himself. He blamed himself for not being strong enough, for caring. In the Order, cruelty was a virtue and Slip didn’t have it.”

 _Slip_. Poe didn’t open his mouth to ask; he knew that FN-2003 and Slip were the same person. They were two very different things though - one a designation, said mechanically, almost unfamiliar on his lips; the other was a _name_ , said with affectionate and saturated with all the memories associated with it. 

“Did the New Republic care about Slip, Dameron? No. He was just a mindless prawn of the First Order to them. They didn't see him cry or laugh. They didn't know if he wanted freedom. They didn't know he was capable of love,” Finn said softly. “I hate the New Republic. They are as hungry for power as the Order. They turned a blind eye quickly to the people of Pressy's Tumble when it became to inconvenient to care. Slavery, kidnapping, senseless violence, all the horrors you think are exclusive to the Order, are just as rampant in New Republic space.”

There were a lot of reasons why he'd left the Republic for the Resistance. They were big -- a bureaucracy -- and that meant things went slow. Very slow. And people died while budgets got reconciled and politicians campaigned and speeches were made. The New Republic funded the Resistance, an open secret, but on the face of it all, they tried to broker peace with the First Order. The same First Order they condemn as amoral. The hypocrisy made Poe sick. He'd resigned his commission during one of those so called 'peace' sessions, standing face-to-face with a First Order fighter pilot who'd gunned down his friend, and being asked to shake his hand. The bastard almost seemed gleeful about the irony. Poe'd been reprimanded when he punched the guy in the face. That was the final straw.

He swallowed. “Is that why you decided to defect from the Order then?”

The word seemed to bother Finn as he scrutinized Poe. Eventually, his face dropped and he looked again toward the floor. “There were a few reasons. That was one.”

“So you left,” Poe nodded slowly, putting the new information together in his head with what he already knew about Finn. “And what about Slip?”

The question caused the younger man to swallow whatever saliva had built up. His grip on his own hands tightened as the air seemed to saturate with tension around them and suddenly Poe didn’t think he wanted to know what happened to Slip. 

“You killed him, back on Jakku.” The words came out harsh but remorse and grief dulled it’s edges. There was a tin ringing in Poe’s ear now. “The Resistance, the New Republic, the First Order. They’re all mindless ideologues, desperate for power and control of a universe that wants to be free. You’re all the same. The propaganda is just different.”

Poe searched for words but his throat felt tight. What could he say? “I’m sorry, Finn, I didn’t know --”

“Don’t be,” Finn replied, voice hollow. “He would have killed you given the opportunity. You did what you had to do.”

“Finn,” Poe reached out. He swallowed hard before speaking, “He was your friend. I --”

“I’m not the only one that’s lost someone in this conflict or stands to lose someone,” he replied firmly as he swatted Poe's hand away. A harsh slap rang out as their hands made contact. It was as if those words and the violence brought him back to reality and grounded him. “Even on this base, there are people with family and friends in the Order. At the end of this, both sides cannot be standing. People will die. In the First Order, in the Resistance, and innocent people in between.”

Poe knew a few people with family in the First Order, not well, and certainly not well enough to bring up the fact that they’ll likely be put in a position where they’ll have to kill their loved ones though. “Even if we wanted to stop fighting, the First Order wouldn’t. You know that.”

“I know this.”

“So all you want to do is run away from the problem.”

“It’s not running,” Finn looked him straight in the eye. “It’s protecting what I love. I didn’t save Slip when I could have but I will save Kylo. I won’t have another person I love die. Not for the Order, not senselessly, not in vain. And a death in this conflict would be in vain.”

“You accused me of living in a fantasy world but are you sure you haven't been living there for a while?” Poe sat up now, a fire in his veins. “In case you haven’t realized, your friend Kylo Ren’s a major player in all this. He’s not some innocent villager who's been swept up in a lot of nonsense. I’m sorry about Slip, Finn, kriff, I really am. I understand what it’s like to lose a comrade, to lose people you love. But the violence in the village, that wasn’t Resistance. It was Kylo Ren who gave the order to fire. I may have fired the shot that killed Slip, but his blood isn’t just on my hands.”

“I know this,” his voice was tight. And it hit Poe like a barrage of blaster fire that Finn was human behind all his wry remarks, the barbs, the fury. He was human and with that human need to love, came that need to hate. Something easy to blame so everything would make sense again. The younger man stared at his hands between his legs, conflicted and unsure. “I know this and I still want to save him.”

“Finn…”

“I never positioned myself as morally righteous,” Finn replied, finally taking a moment to look at Poe. The expression, almost asking Poe to forgive him, almost asking to be comforted, it was enough to bowl the pilot over. It was his body locking with tension that kept him upright. “And one day, I’ll have to answer for the crime of loving a man more than what’s right. But until that day comes...”

Finn trailed off but Poe knew he never had any intention of finishing the statement. Better yet, maybe Finn didn’t know what he would do until that day came or what would happen when it did. Kylo Ren would be wanted by the New Republic. It would depend on a few factors but what they would do to the knight could range from imprisonment to death. 

Poe was a ‘hop in an X-Wing and blow something up’ kind of guy; politics and peace treaties and _rebuilding,_ well, those weren’t his forte. But he had the vague sense the New Republic would try to give the knight a trial if they could -- to show their peaceful intentions over those of the First Order who rule by fear -- and with Luke Skywalker around, they might be able to capture him alive and do it. 

Poe swallowed. Ah, kriff. Finn really does have a funny effect on him, doesn’t he? He almost just wished they could capture Kylo Ren alive. 

Poe’s eyes flickered to Finn’s face. The younger man seemed caught off guard, a first, as his own eyes quickly moved away. He’d been surreptitiously observing Poe the whole time. If the pilot wasn’t sure that it was only because he was reading his mind (and Poe's certain that's how the Force works because it's getting to be too often that Finn just seems to _know_ ), he’d have been flattered. The shock on his face though meant he’d never considered the possibility that Kylo Ren could be taken alive. 

The question was solemn: “Do you think he’d be willing?”

There was a long silence as Finn considered the question. “If he’s the man I know he is, then there is no question about it.”

This was the second time Finn had done that. It was almost as if Kylo Ren and "the man he knew" were two separate entities rather than one-in-the-same. Poe almost wanted to shake Finn out of it. On some level, he understood. He’s been lovesick before. His heart had betrayed his rational mind, and Finn must be aching for this guy because he’s got too logical a mind for it to be betrayed like this. But every time it happened to the pilot, something catastrophic had gone wrong in the end. He’d almost been kicked out of the Academy because of it once, and if he were being honest, he could trace every bad choice he’d made back to his dumb heart winning over his other faculties. 

All that means for him now is that he’d have to watch himself because there was something tugging at his heart right now. He leaned toward the younger man just slightly and bumped his shoulder against his. He needed cheering up but Poe didn’t think he had any amount of words to do the trick. The pilot figured all these Force users were sick of words and thoughts though. What they probably didn’t get much of was touch, small gestures that brought them out of their minds and back to the world around them. Poe’s not much for cerebral ponderings and moral philosophy but he knew how to touch. He knew how to be there.

Poe grabbed a handful of his own shirt and sniffed in an exaggerated fashion. He laughed, trying to inject a little light-heartedness into an atmosphere that threatened to crush them both under its weight. “We should hit the fresher. We smell worse than a wet bantha during summer.”

There wasn’t any response and Poe wasn’t really expecting one. Maybe a contemptuous glance or Finn’s tacit agreement by moving toward the gym’s freshers. Instead, there was nothing. The younger man’s eyes trained on the mat they’d just sparred on but his mind was somewhere else entirely; not on D’Qar, not on this galaxy. 

He tempted fate and clasped a hand on Finn’s shoulder. He wasn’t sure if the younger man was allowing the touch or if he was so deep in some thought he didn’t even notice but Poe wasn’t rebuffed. There was a warmth spreading across the pilot’s chest and he hoped, even if not consciously, that the connection was comforting to the younger man. It was the first time he’s been able to really touch Finn and the shoulder felt almost unreal under his hand; the shoulder of a ghost that was flickering between solid states. Poe squeezed gently - he wanted to bring him back to the world of the living, away from chasing ghosts, out of the dreamworld of his mind. 

“Don’t worry about it, Finn. Given the option, I’m sure he’d rather live than die.”

 _That_ caused the younger man to stir. He slowly craned his head to face Poe, whatever thought he was stuck on leaving his head, “Ben would,” he replied, slow, almost as if answering a question he’d posed to himself a long time ago. It came out a few seconds later, as the question of who Ben was readied itself on Poe’s lips, “But Kylo Ren wouldn’t.” 

They sat for a few seconds more before Finn abruptly jerked his shoulder out of Poe’s hold. He stood and began to walk toward the door of the make-shift gymnasium. There was a tension in those shoulders that Poe now knew that betrayed the smooth, military gait that made it seem like he merely glided on the air just above the ground rather than on it. 

_One day, I’ll have to pay for the crime of loving a man more than what’s right._ Poe dipped his head between his legs and intertwined his hands behind his neck with a chuckle. When he gets the chance, he’ll tell Finn they could have more in common than the younger man could ever imagine.


	12. Chapter 12

The First Order was waiting for them as they approached Ilum. 

While disabling the shields had been straightforward enough, it became apparent quickly that they wouldn’t be able to destroy the thermal oscillators from the comfort of a ship. They needed to send a ground team to manually plant explosives in the thermal oscillator's conduit. Poe wouldn’t say it out loud but he’d been looking to get a little action in and there was never a better time than now. Han Solo apparently felt the same. 

If there wasn’t so much adrenaline pumping through him, Poe would have lingered more on how odd the transmission between him, Leia, and Han had been about the new plan. Finn had been silent, too, about the idea of Han’s presence on the planet. Poe chalked it up to the older man’s age. He wasn’t in his prime but hell if he didn’t have the attitude and sharpness to make up for it. 

So while the rest of the squadron held off the TIE fighters awaiting the group, Poe in a tandem X-wing and Han in the  _ Falcon _ were able to crash through the now shield-less field protecting the planet at warpspeed. Han and Chewie would locate the engineering room and plant the explosives that would disable the weapon while Finn and Poe would find Rey. 

Then they’d rendezvous, high-five, and blow the place up. Easy stuff.

At least, it sounded easy on paper. The  _ Falcon  _ seemed to have fared better but Poe wasn’t in  _ Black One _ and he’d been intercepted by a TIE fighter on the way down. It’d managed to get a good shot in before he was able to take it out but the damage had been done by then. 

The landing had been rough for them and as Poe stumbled out of the wreckage of the X-Wing, he cursed that he hadn’t been able to find a better place. They teetered on the edge of a cliff and narrowly managed to get out before it finally fell off the edge and into the deep valley below. He’s almost glad there is a war going on: Leia would have killed him. That’s the third X-Wing he’s crashed since joining the Resistance and those things weren’t cheap. 

“She’s over here,” Finn whispered as they stalked the halls of the base. The younger man had been able to give a detailed description to Han and Chewie on where the engineering room was, even more detail than their recon scans could give, and even now, he maneuvered the base as if he’d grown up here. “Quickly.”

Maybe it wasn’t the best time to get nostalgic but the alarms on the base were blaring and with Finn again at his side, Poe couldn’t help but be reminded of the first time they’d met. Pleasant times, mimicked entirely by the fact that none of these ‘troopers (thankfully) seemed to have any desire to shoot them, too. It was eerie how the younger man could just wave a hand and get any ‘trooper that might have gotten a good shot in to do or say anything he wanted. He wondered briefly if Finn ever did that to him. 

Poe nodded in acknowledgement. “She alone?”

Finn’s eyes flickered over to him. “Yeah, she’s alone. There are guards outside her door though.” Suddenly, his eyes narrowed. “They’re just ordinary stormtroopers though.”

“That doesn’t seem weird to me.”

“Dameron, imagine you had a powerful Force user in captivity,” The pilot didn’t need to imagine; they’d had one in captivity in Finn and they could have almost been destroyed. “That’s right,” he seemed to read the pilot’s mind and if they weren’t in the middle of an important mission, Poe would have a little discussion with him about privacy. “You wouldn’t leave them to be guarded by stormtroopers.”

“So you think it’s a trap?” Poe tried to tease out the conclusion. “For us or for Rey?”

“I don’t know,” Finn closed his eyes, trying to reach out to Rey and let her know, but a moment later the young man jolted, his eyes shooting open. He contemplated for a moment before turning to face Poe. “Han and Chewie are getting closer to the engineering room. You need to intercept them once they’ve planted the explosives. The  _ Falcon  _ is your only way off the planet without an X-Wing.”

Poe didn’t miss the fact that Finn didn’t seem to think  _ he  _ was going to make it off the planet.

“Sorry, Finn, but I’m not leaving you,” the pilot looked dead serious. “I don’t care if it’s Kylo Ren or a battalion of stormtroopers. I’m not leaving you.”

“I can use a mind trick and make you listen,” Finn stared for a moment before sighing and turning back to his navigation. “Why do you always choose to be so difficult?”

“Not sure. My mom took me up in her A-Wing when I was a baby. My dad says I must have hit my head on something.” The pilot’s features brightened but Finn seemed determined to remind him of the gravity of the situation. Poe flashed a grin in response. “Besides,  two heads would are better than one around here, aren’t they?”

Finn put his blaster back in his band, next to the Skywalker lightsaber. His shoulders dropped in defeat and turned to look around the corner. Beneath his breath, the younger man muttered. “Even if the other is yours, I presume?”

“That’s the spirit,” Poe finally said as he followed Finn down another hallway. “So, are you going to tell me what you really sensed or do you want me to take a stab in the dark?”

“Kylo Ren is here,” Finn replied, using two fingers to indicate for Poe to follow him down another eerily empty hallway. “Suffice to say, he isn’t in a pleasant mood.”

“That’s what you expected though, isn’t it?” 

The reply seemed mindless, as if Finn hadn’t really heard the question but knew what to say anyways. “Yeah.”

Finn abruptly put a hand on Poe’s chest as the older man moved to turn the corner. The younger man shook his head. Poe peered past the edge and saw the two stormtroopers at the door. Was this some kind of trap? It seemed simple enough. Couldn’t Finn just wave his hand like with the rest of them so they’d walk away like the rest of them? But for some reason, Finn seemed deep in thought; concentration furrowing his brow. The pilot took another glance at the ‘troopers at the door, who stood like statues. 

“Why aren’t we doing anything?” Poe finally asked when he couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Those aren’t stormtroopers,” he whispered. Finn’s working something out in his mind as he speaks, almost not believing it. There was almost a curse on his lips. “They’re --”

“What? They’re what, Finn?”

Finn’s eyes met Poe’s for a moment. Out of his periphery, he noticed Finn’s hand rising until it was half-way to his torso. “I’m sorry, Dameron.”

Poe was confused for a half-second, a question ready on his tongue, but a moment later, Finn flicked his wrist and then it was as if his mind was completely blank.  _ Something’s not right about this, _ he thought, but even that faded into the nothingness that was now his mind. 

“You’re going to go out the same way we came,” Finn said. “And you’re going to wait on the  _ Falcon _ until Han and the Wookie come back.”

Poe nodded. “I’m going to go back to the  _ Falcon _ , Finn, Han and Chewie’ll need it ready to go when the planet goes up.”

“Good,” Finn returned the nod. “That sounds like a plan.”

The pilot grinned and clasped a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll see you later, buddy.”

“Yeah,” Finn gave a restrained, almost guilty, smile. “Later.”

He watched Poe follow the command but the unease in the pit of his belly didn’t cease. There was something almost dirty about having used the mind trick on the pilot. As much of a nuisance as he was, he was earnest in both intention and thought. In a small way, it was somewhat refreshing to be around a mind so open and straightforward. Good and bad, a simple binary in the pilot’s mind. It lacked nuance in an almost stubborn way but an overabundance of compassion bridged the gap in that flawed binary.

Finn focused his attention back on the guards then he laughed through his nose silently.  _ Guards, _ all right. Knights of Ren; he figured they could be referred to as guards. Finn couldn’t risk reaching out, using all his attention to make sure he masked himself and Poe as the pilot made his way toward the entrance. He’d be able to take care of himself outside of the base, where the chaos of the aerial warfare has occupied the attention of everyone who would realistically pose a threat to him. Besides, if the pilot had stayed here, the knights would have killed him without a struggle. 

A simple mind trick wouldn’t work on them and that meant Finn would have to fight. On the heels of his betrayal, he was sure the two men at the door would be more than happy to tear him limb from limb. Finn was loyal to their leader, yes; but his loyalty wasn’t blind like the Knights of Ren. They’d follow commands from Kylo Ren without a single thought to it’s logic or reason. 

“Come out from behind there, Finn.”

The acknowledgement should have startled him but it was only a matter of time before he had to reveal himself.  _ So, they’ve gotten further in their training, have they? _ Finn chuckled as he revealed himself, hand in the air in surrender. It was a moot gesture; the blasters in their hands weren’t their weapons of choice anyways. His eyes scanned the area quickly for their melee weapons. Without them, the battle they’d wage would be in the mind. Finn wasn’t sure if that was more or less fair than the alternatives. 

“It’s been a while, Cardo,” he nodded. He turned his attention to the other man with another nod, “Ushar.”

“I see your friend made it out,” Cardo replied through the filter of the stormtrooper's helmet. “Are you a glutton for punishment?”

Had they known the whole time?, he thought. He cursed himself for being so out of practice but it dawned on him that if they did know, then they’d let Poe get away. They didn’t care; their grievance was with him and only him. “Interesting change of uniform. Have you two been demoted?”

“Quiet, traitor!” Ushar’s outstretched hand caused the younger man to fling back against the corner of the wall opposite the one that he and Poe had turned from. The edge of the wall, thin and hard, rammed into his spine, sending a searing pain through his whole body. The two men walked up to him slowly, sadism and anger in each step. They would enjoy this; they’d enjoy being avengers to his treachery. 

Finn didn’t make a move. He wouldn’t give them the pleasure of knowing he was in pain, of any of his fear or the emotions swirling within him. They were never his comrades; like the Supreme Leader, they tolerated his presence for so long as they needed. He didn’t respect them and they didn’t respect him. He lacked the same reckless desire for power they had; the same cruelty and hardened edge they respect in both friend or foe. 

“You’re lucky our Master wants you alive,” Cardo muttered. His voice was dripping with hatred.

Finn threw his head back slightly with a laugh. “Don’t you want to take a couple more cheap shots in first? I’m sure he won’t mind me being roughed up a bit.”

“You’re Rebel scum,” the man replied. “You were always the lowest breed, the same as when you wore this kind of uniform. Why Lord Ren would have ever chosen you is a mystery.”

“Are you upset because you’re still chasing his approval?” Finn smirked. “Don’t be so pathetic, Cardo.”

“The other knights are here,” Ushar interjected. “Your little friends in the engineering room, the pilot,” he paused, sensing something. “In the northeast quadrant. We could kill them easily; Lord Ren gave no orders about them.”

“Go ahead,” Finn bluffed. “I’m not a Rebel. I just needed a ride.”

“The same way you needed a ride off the  _ Finalizer _ , I presume?” Ushar’s arm lifted upward and with it, so did Finn. He was suspended off the ground now, his feet just barely on the floor. “We don’t care for the First Order. Our loyalty is to Lord Ren and despite your weak-willed nature, we’d presumed it was yours as well.”

“Why did you come back?” Cardo added.

“I love this two-headed beast act you guys have perfected,” Finn laughed derisively. “Very entertaining.”

Ushar slammed him into the wall perpendicular to them. “You really don’t understand that your days of acting haughty are over.”

“Let’s take him to Lord Ren,” the other knight seemed to suck his teeth, upset they couldn’t go further than this. He’d always loved to torture his victims. “He won’t be able to open his mouth then --”

The knight flew through the air, down the long corridor, and landed with a muffled bang against some surface far from them. Ushar and Finn’s head both snapped toward the Force user who’d done it. In his shock, Ushar’s hold on the young man faltered and Finn eased himself back onto his feet. 

Despite himself and the situation, a proud grin broke out on his face as his eyes fixed themselves on the Force user in question. 

Rey stood, out of breath, at the doorway of the interrogation room. Sweat had caused wisps of hair to stick to her forehead as she slumped slightly against the jamb, an arm still half-way outstretched. The look in her eye was furious but Finn couldn’t tell at who or what just yet. 

He sensed it then. That darkness that was within her when they’d first met. It was growing now, the brutality and savagery of Kylo Ren’s interrogation only heightening its presence. Finn could feel her bloodlust as her eyes darted between him and the Knight of Ren, who seemed taken aback by the scavenger’s strength. Rey’s fingers were stiff as she lifted them again; her hands taking the shape of someone who was holding an invisible sphere.

Then, that fist closed with ferocious purpose. 

The Knight of Ren peeled over with a cry and a series of noises Finn had only heard once before, when he’d seen firsthand a person’s mind being shredded piece by piece. His own hand went up then and Rey’s head turned sharply toward him. Finn pinned her arms to her side, reaching out to smooth the frayed edges of her mind. It was as if she were coming out of a trance as recognition set in and she blinked in his image. 

“Finn?” she said softly. She rushed over to him but hesitated to touch him. “Finn, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he smiled gently. “I should be asking you that.”

She’s powerful and Maz Kanata was right. She needs a teacher. It would be too dangerous to let her out in the world now that she’s had her awakening; it was too much unfocused raw power. He’d seen what can happen when someone like that wanders aimlessly while the darkness lies eager to emerge. 

Ushar was an example of what could happen. There was life in his body still but his mind was an empty vessel now. Death would have been a more merciful end, even if the knight didn’t deserve mercy after the life he’d led. Finn then turned his head down the corridor where Cardo had been flung. There were no signs of life and that could only mean that he was dead or managed to run away. 

Cardo never ran from a battle. 

He returned his attention to Rey and observed her face, eyes wide with confusion and concern, before exhaling a smile. He’d have to add her to the growing list of people who he felt he needed to protect. It was a dumb list, and many of these people could protect themselves -- Leia Organa, Poe Dameron, even Han Solo and his Wookie co-pilot. But he’d sensed their spirits, their heartbreak, their desire for the same basic thing he wanted.  _ Peace. _

Even if he disagreed with the methodology, their false diplomacy, their hypocrisy; he could sense now that his mind was clear, their sincerity. The Light within him, the one he rejected for reasons entirely different than Kylo, made the overwhelming urge to protect almost intolerable. 

Maybe this was one of the problems of the Light because as Finn stares at Rey, awaiting a response to whatever she’s just said to him, because he wonders why they should be burdened with doing the right thing all the time? Are they not allowed to be selfish, to be human? Are they alone in the galaxy, the weight of life or death decision solely on their shoulders? To his chagrin, Finn thought that maybe Luke Skywalker had an idea and that maybe Luke Skywalker could tell Rey the answer. 

“You’re getting stronger in the Force,” Finn said, unsure if that response made sense. He hadn’t paid attention to her words just then. A beat later, he added, “I’m sorry, Rey. I was trying to prevent any of this from happening.”

“Finn,” her voice was saturated in concern. She seemed to hesitate for a moment before speaking. “Kylo Ren...during the interrogation, I was able to resist. I--I saw —”

“I’ll explain everything to you later, Rey,” he interrupted. “I promise, but right now we need to get you out of here.”

She stood firmly in place as Finn grabbed her arm to lead her to the  _ Falcon _ . She spoke softly, a distinct hurt in her voice. “You could have told me.”

Finn stilled as he looked into her eyes. It struck him just then that she was another person he’d betrayed. It seemed in every attempt to help, to do the right thing, someone got hurt. Luke Skywalker’s words came back to him: he talked a big game about Light and Dark in others but they swirled in him, too, didn’t they? One day, he’d said to the pilot, he’d have to pay for his own hypocrisy; for his selfishness. Maybe that day will be sooner than he thought. 

“I’m sorry,” he offered. “It was easier to lie than to explain.”

“You don’t need to apologize to me, Finn,” she said, her resistance to his guiding arm weakening. Her eyes flickered down in embarrassment. “He —”

“I know,” Finn cut her off. He didn’t want to hear it; it would only make it worse if he had to kill the man. “I never doubted that. But if you were able to resist, then you saw it in him.”

“I did. Dark and twisted and mangled,” There was a touch of horror as she recalled the memory in real time. “But there was something deep within him, too. Something that seemed to stop him before he went too far.”

He glanced back at her as they weaved down the halls of the complex. With a tired smile playing on his lips, he turned his attention back down the corridor. “You sensed it then?”

“Yes,” she nodded. With almost a scolding note in her voice, she continued. “You hurt him, Finn.”

“I know,” he replied, accepting the rebuke. “It wasn’t the smartest plan. But you only know what this base is and what the First Order is. You don’t know what the Supreme Leader is like or how deep his hold on Kylo’s mind truly is. It’s not about whether there is Light in him, Rey, it’s about how much is left and if we can reach it.”

Rey seemed to absorb the knowledge. After all, she still had a lot to learn in the ways of the Force. The heaviness of realization set in as he was forced to acknowledge that it was  _ only  _ Luke Skywalker who could train her. The lingering hate for the man seemed to rise up from deep within him. The same Luke Skywalker who had murdered Ben Solo, who’d allowed Kylo Ren to take over. 

_ No,  _ Finn reminded himself, the Supreme Leader had a hold of the knight even then, hadn’t he? Before he was even born. This—this was a bitter pill to swallow.  _ No, _ the man Finn loved was never Ben Solo. That man had been fully destroyed that night. The person he wanted to save was someone else entirely—a never ending struggle between Dark and Light, each losing and winning in equal measure, always at constant war with each other. A man being torn apart with little to hold him together. 

It was a man only Finn knew. Leia Organa and Han Solo look upon Kylo Ren’s mask and see the son they lost. Poe Dameron, the Resistance, the New republic, they see the incarnate of evil, the First Order. But Finn knew a man capable of equal parts cruelty and kindness. A man Rey had a brief glimpse of. 

Kylo Ren was human — crushed under the expectations set on him by his family and swallowed by his reputation in the First Order. Ben Solo was gone but Kylo Ren must die. It was a paradox that no one seemed interested in solving. When they’ve eliminated Kylo Ren, without Ben Solo, who remains? Where could he go in a universe where no one knew who he was anymore?

The pair weaved through the complex until the chill of the cold air hit them. Rey scanned their surroundings, the warfare raging away from the weapon. It was a deliberate strategy by the Order — presumably Hux himself — to protect Starkiller. The  _ Falcon  _ was near the valley where their X-Wing had tumbled into and although fresh snowfall obscured it, Finn sees the pilot’s footsteps heading in the direction. 

“Rey, Poe’s waiting on the  _ Falcon, _ ” Finn explained. There was something coursing through the Force just then and Rey seemed to sense it, too. The atmosphere became heavy around them and a foreboding feeling crept up their spines. “Ushar and Cardo mentioned the other Knights of Ren. If they find the _ Falcon, _ none of them stand a chance. They need a Force user to protect them.”

“Why are you talking like you aren’t coming with me?” she asked. “Finn, I sensed it, too. You don’t have to go to him.”

“That’s what you don’t understand, Rey,” he responded. He placed his hand on her bare shoulder. It was already cold and shimmied out of his jacket—Poe Dameron’s jacket, he reminded himself—and handed it to her. “I have to go to him.”

“Finn —”

“Trust me.” He watched her put the jacket on, a begrudging but tacit agreement of what he had to do. It was large on her, practically hanging off her shoulders instead of on them. She made a show of wrapping a jacket around her to signal it’s warmth. Finn smiled down at her. He chuckled, little puffs of white air floating loftily as he spoke, “It was good to meet you, Rey.”

At first, she gave a look of concern. There was an objection on her lips before a slow smile took over. She bumped her shoulder against him. “You know, you are a bit of an over dramatic character. Perhaps that’s why you and Kylo Ren get along so well. We’ll see each other soon, Finn. I guarantee it.”

“Rey,” he warned. She was trying, and almost succeeding, in lightening the mood. “Please look after Dameron when you get to the Falcon. He’s probably already realizing what’s happened and when he does — ”

“— he’ll do something reckless and brave and stupid,” she finished. “I get it, Finn. I’m not a child.”

“I know,” he laughed. “But Dameron is.”

“You’re underestimating him,” she smiled. “Besides, beneath it all, I still think you like him.”

Finn laughed again. “If I do, I’ll take it to my grave.”

It was supposed to be light but the phrase seemed to snap them both back to reality. Finn placed a hand on her shoulder again. It was becoming something of a grounding device for him; reminding him that this was all real. She whispered softly. “Good luck, Finn.”

“You’ll learn it later,” Finn’s hand was still on her shoulder but he didn’t know if it was to reassure her or for himself. “But people like us usually say ‘may the Force be with you.’” 

She nodded and waited a moment before she repeated it. “May the Force be with you then, Finn.”

Before Finn could reply, a cacophony of birdsong rose suddenly from the nearby forest. A wave of blackbirds flew out of the trees, cawing and screeching, flying in disparate directions and circling above them, blacking out the sky in their confused dance. 

His eyes trained themselves to the tall trees in the distance. He closed his eyes briefly before nodding. Without another word, he turned from her. There was a small crunch of snow behind him, a movement to follow, but he heard her change direction a moment later. It was a small victory for the young man; one less fight as he stepped into the canopy of trees that surrounded Starkiller. They were the same ones he remembered from his youth; when he was innocent and had no concept of anything outside the Order. 

However, most of the time before his Awakening was a blur. The memories were hazy at best, and part of him wonders if he’d actually forgotten or if he just didn’t want to remember. There was a lingering shame within him about his naiveté during that time. Naturally, he couldn't help the circumstances of his birth but now the memories prickled at him now. Bits and pieces were coming through now — his comrades, the refectory, his old duty roster — and even in their banality, he was comforted that he  _ could _ remember. 

They were a part of him; a part of how his world had been shaped. Without FN-2187, there was no Finn. Without the intimate understanding of the humanity behind each mask, there was no hope for peace. There was no hope for —

Heavy footsteps caught his attention and he turned with his whole body toward the noise. Finn swallowed as he recognized the voice that cried out.

“Traitor!”


End file.
